


Into the Light

by SunMonTue



Series: Light/Dark [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Break Up, Depression, Drugged Sex, Gen, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Sexual Assault, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-05
Updated: 2013-03-05
Packaged: 2017-12-04 10:21:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 28,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/709672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunMonTue/pseuds/SunMonTue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt, Dave and Blaine all have to deal with the fallout of what happened in "Into the darkness". A multi-chaptered sequel and will be eventual Kurtofsky. Emphasis on the eventual. The 'explicit' isn't for sex, but dealing with sexual assault and drug use etc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blaine

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation/sequel to "Into the Darkness". I don't hate Blaine's character, I simply prefer Dave's. This story will be told from multiple view points (most likely one per chapter, and some chapters will overlap time-wise), and it's going to be angsty. Seriously angsty. There are three players here, which this chapter will clearly indicate.
> 
> You really need to have read "Into the Darkness" first for this to make any sort of sense whatsoever.
> 
> Mention of non-con (i.e. "Into the Darkness"). Mature themes along the lines of depression, suicide, etc.

When he wakes up he feels disgusting. Stiff and sore all over and his mouth feels like he's spent an hour licking carpet, dry, disgusting and with bits of fluff stuck in between his teeth. He's not even in his bedroom; instead he's in one of the downstairs guest bedrooms. His eyes dart around and the fast movement makes him squint his eyes closed in pain. Not good. He opens them slowly and tries to remember what even happened last night. Blank. Blank blank  _blank_.

He rises slowly, pushing the blankets off his body, and he's still wearing the clothes he wore last night. To the club.  _Shit._  The club Sebastian convinced Kurt and him to go to. His parents were going to be home late, and he'd been convinced he could sneak in without them knowing. While he can't remember what happened, he's pretty sure his cover is blown. He half-staggers down to the kitchen, and he's trying to remember how he even got home last night. He's not sure. He has to assume Kurt drove him, because he didn't even have a drink last night. Unlike himself. He's certain he only had one beer, but he'd had several other drinks. Non-alcoholic ones that Seb had got him.

He wonders how much grovelling he's going to have to do to Kurt, because one of the few hazy memories he has is of Kurt's disproving look at him dancing with Seb before he'd beckoned Kurt over. Kurt's going to be pissed. He'd clearly been annoyed enough to drop him at home, woken his parents up and then driven off in his car. He heads down the hall and the smell of coffee in the kitchen tells him his parents are awake. He has no idea what time it is.

His mom is looking disappointed, and that is so much more painful than her anger. He doesn't have a lot of rules and restrictions; he's expected to be responsible. Respect them enough to not lie to them. And he's just failed them on all accounts.

"How are you feeling?"

"Uh. Terrible."

"Hmm. You aren't going to feel much better when we're done with you. Your hangover is just the beginning."

They don't ask questions, and he keeps quiet as they detail and outline his punishment. No seeing Kurt except at school and glee club for two weeks. Two weeks after that he has to detail exactly where and when he will be. They also take away his allowance for an entire month. It's all manageable, and he's pretty sure he can't feel worse than he does right now. If he were still at Dalton then not seeing Kurt would be a huge thing, but he'll see him everyday at McKinley. They don't take away his phone, which he's grateful for, and he suspects they worry about him needing it when he drives to and from school.

He excuses himself from his parents company, taking a cup of coffee to his bedroom. He showers and changes into some comfortable clothes, brushing his teeth three times before they start to feel even slightly normal. Kurt doesn't answer his calls or text messages, and his stomach starts to sink. He's clearly in the doghouse. He goes online in the hope that Kurt might be online as well. No such luck. He's clearly being ignored. However he kind of needs his car to get to school tomorrow, and was hoping Kurt could have driven it back out here for him. Instead he's going to have to ask his mom or dad to drive him to Kurt's. Not great.

He goes downstairs reluctantly. It sucks that he needs to ask this of his parents when he's already disappointed them. It's lunchtime, his parents just finishing a meal together but his stomach heaves at the sheer idea of eating food. He puts his request forward, and his mom makes some cryptic comment about Kurt not driving him home. He doesn't even have time to ask what that even means before his dad is jangling keys and jerking his head towards the garage. He follows, and he can't help but feel slightly buoyed at the idea he'll be seeing Kurt in about an hour. He might be able to ignore him digitally, but he can't ignore him in person.

He's wrong. So wrong. Burt Hummel doesn't even let him in the door. Closes the door in his face, and he doesn't even warrant a hello. This isn't good. Whatever he's done to upset Kurt is enough to warrant a door slam in the face. It's opened again by Carol, and Blaine smiles hesitantly. She doesn't smile back, but neither does she look like she wants to do him physical harm.

"Hi Blaine, I'm sorry, but Kurt doesn't want to see you. And Burt… doesn't want to se you either."

He's not sure what to say.

"Um. Okay. I was just…could I get my car keys? I need my car to get to school tomorrow."

"Oh, sure. Just let me go and get them."

The door closes in his face again and he glances to the curb where his dad is watching from his car, probably making sure he isn't seeing Kurt. Which apparently isn't going to be a problem. He lets out a sigh of frustration and the door opens again. Carol hands him his keys, eyes echoing the same disappointment as his own parents.  _Oh_. Maybe Kurt also ended up getting drunk last night, and someone drove them  _both_  home. And they blame him for corrupting Kurt. Which is ridiculous, because if anyone is doing any corrupting it's Sebastian. But he isn't here to be frowned at. Isn't Kurt's boyfriend. Wasn't meant to be at a simple dinner and movie date last night rather than the sole gay-bar of Lima.

"Can you tell Kurt I'll see him at school tomorrow?" He asks before Carol closes the door.

"I…don't know if Kurt will be going to school tomorrow. And I don't think Kurt will want to see you even if he does."

The door closes in his face and his mouth is hanging open. What does  _that_  mean? What the hell happened last night? What did he  _do_?


	2. Dave

 

Dave's eyes snap open. He can hear his dad fumbling around underneath the stairs, in the deliberate way of someone trying to be quiet he's making a lot of noise. He knows what he's doing. It's his Sunday morning ritual. Not every Sunday, but most of them. His dad is a bird watcher. He'll get in his car and drive out, sometimes as far away as two hours, and then walk until all you can hear is nature. Nothingness. He used to go with him. Hasn't been though for years now, hasn't seen the point. He doesn't like birds. But right now he can't think of a better way to spend his Sunday. He makes a snap decision, swinging his legs out of bed and staggering to the door. Today. It's going to be  _today_.

"Hey dad, where're you going?"

"Oh, David. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, I uh, was kind of thinking I could come with you."

His dad stops rummaging around at that, turning to face him, and he looks pleased. He feels like an A-grade douche, that such a small thing can make his dad look so ridiculously happy, and he feels a little pang of unease that he's probably going to ruin his dad's peaceful Sunday excursion, but he's filled with confidence. Purpose. He wants to tell him.

"Well, I'd love to have you along. You know that."

The car ride is silent, giving him plenty of time to think. His dad doesn't talk a lot, but generally when he does talk he's worth listening to, and the way he keeps shooting the occasional glance at him he knows his dad is waiting for him to talk. Not yet. He needs to sort out some things in his head. Last night has a sense of surreal-ness about it. He'd never expected to see Kurt in Scandals, never been able to imagine him there until he was actually there. He took two openly gay guys home last night. He turns that sentence over in his head a couple of times, and while it's true, it could be construed  _so_  differently. And he really wishes the night had ended differently. Especially for Kurt. If he had Kurt's number he'd text him to see how he is, but maybe it's better that he doesn't have a way of contacting Kurt.

He doesn't know exactly what happened last night, but he knows Blaine did something, because Kurt's strong. Kurt's the strongest person he knows, and last night he had been broken. He doesn't like seeing Kurt like that, it reminds him too much of the times he tried to break Kurt himself, and ever since then he's worked hard at making sure that in ten years when he looks back, he will have done nothing he'll be ashamed about. Not anymore. While he wants his dad to be proud of him, he wants to be proud of himself.

His dad pulls into the Van Buren State Park and gets out, wordlessly handing him his own pack with supplies for a short day-walk. He outlines the track he'd planned on taking and Dave nods in understanding. They strike out, and it feels good to be out in the open, to be stretching his legs and suddenly feel all the space around and above him. He's felt so boxed in for so long he feels he can finally move forward. His dad stops often, pausing to peer at birds with his binoculars and pointing them out to him. He still doesn't care about the birds, but the sense of freedom more than makes up for it. It's not a nice day, overcast and the clouds look heavy, but it means they're alone.

"I have to tell you something."

His voice sounds loud and unnatural in the quiet of the park and his dad turns back to face him, keeping quiet but nodding encouragingly. He takes a deep breath, exhaling and lets the words flow out.

"I'm gay."

Silence.

Then his dad moves forward a few steps and a pair of arms circle around him and just hug him tightly. He feels jittery, because he'd expected surprise, or shock, or…something. Anything.

"You've struggled with this."

"Well  _yeah_. Wouldn't you?"

"I don't know. Yes. I would." His dad pauses, considering something. "You didn't worry about my reaction did you?"

"No dad.  _No._  I just…kept kind of hoping I wasn't. Now I've kind of finally accepted that I am."

"Going to the bar helped then?"

" _What_? How do you…"

"Lima's a small town David. I have a photo of you on my desk. A friend of mine recognized you your first night. They've been keeping an eye on you."

He doesn't know what to say. His dad has known all along. It's embarrassing to be caught out in such a massive lie, to realize his dad probably knew that every time he said he was going to visit Az his dad knew his true destination.

"Thank you for finally telling me the truth. I appreciate it. And I won't ask where you got the fake ID from."

"I…sure. Okay."

"You don't need to lie to me okay? Ever."

"Okay dad."

They lapse back into silence and Dave can't help grinning. Even with the whole lying thing he feels fantastic. He's come out. Sure, it's only is dad, but he's the first person he's said the words to. He's glad it's him. They don't talk much after that, his dad slipping back in to customary silence so as not to scare the birds and he follows along. When they get into the car and his dad gives his shoulder a quick squeeze he feels reassured. He has his dad on his side. One down, one to go. Though when they get home his dad is looking a bit less calm and his heart sinks, immediately worried that this is his fault.

"I'm still your son you know. I haven't changed or anything."

"Oh David. I know that. I just worry. I'm allowed to worry you know. It's a job requirement."

"I…sure. I just wish you didn't have to worry."

"I'll always worry. Always."

"Okay."

"Go finish your homework or play games…it's not your job to worry about me."

"Yeah well, sometimes I can't help it."

His dad rolls his eyes and Dave heads to his room, laughing. He needs a shower, sweaty from the walk despite the cool temperature. He turns on his computer and has a shower while it loads up. It has to be the oldest and slowest machine in all of Lima. When he comes back, still patting his chest dry and tugging on an old pair of sweat pants he loads up his favorite web pages and logs in to his e-mails. With his dad knowing he can probably take off all the passwords he has in place. He opens is e-mail, something he checks almost obsessively, and his hand freezes on the mouse as his eyes are drawn to one name.

Kurt Hummel.


	3. Kurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't picked up on the pattern here, it's Blaine-Dave-Kurt, a chapter each before starting the cycle over again.
> 
> WARNINGS: This is Kurt's chapter. He's dealing with being sexually assaulted. This is an angsty chapter. You could avoid his chapters if you needed to.

He doesn't sleep well, instead falling asleep from sheer exhaustion for tiny cat-naps before jolting awake with gasping breaths and kicking legs. He's cold but he can't stand to have the blankets on top of him. He gives up on sleep at six, and he's only been home for less than four hours, but he doesn't care. He's already had a shower, but he needs another one. When he cleans the shower before getting in he suspects that he's not okay, but he doesn't care.

When he walks into the kitchen his dad and Carol stop talking, both turning to him and he  _hates_  the pity he sees in their eyes. Although it could be worry, but he imagines it's definitely pity. He sniffs and sets about making himself a coffee. He needs something to keep him awake, and making coffee is keeping his hands busy at least. He needs to get out of the kitchen before –

"Did…can…we need to talk."

Kurt looks at his dad with bleak eyes and shrugs. The last thing he wants to do is talk, especially to his dad. He wants to forget it, expunge it from his head, knows it will be impossible, but it's not going to stop him from trying.

"What happened. I need to know Kurt. We need to go to the police and –"

"No! No. Nothing happened…"

He doesn't want people to know. He already struggles with the boys accepting him as one of the guys, not something he always wants to associate with, but being… used… He doesn't even know how to think about it. What kind of name to give it. But that's okay, giving it a name makes it more real. And he  _definitely_ doesn't want to go to the police, to have to describe it all in painstaking detail. No.

"Don't lie to me Kurt. Something happened. And right now my mind is coming up with all these different scenarios, and I'm making myself sick with worry…so please, just tell me. Where did you go last night?"

"Scandals. It's…"

"The gay bar? You went to a bar? How did you even get in to a bar?"

"Not important right now honey…"

Kurt chews on his lips and shoots Carol an appreciative glance.

"We went to the bar to dance. I…danced. It was fun…"

"Didn't look like you had any fun when you got home last night."

"Dave…found me."

"How? Anyway, what was he doing at… oh.  _Oh_. Huh. I didn't expect that."

For a brief second he's distracted, he told Dave last night that he wouldn't tell anyone, and he really means it. Doesn't want Dave put in any position where he would be uncomfortable, especially considering how helpful he was last night.

"You can't tell anyone dad, he's not out."

"Sure. Just tell me what happened.  _Please._ "

"Blaine was… drunk. He was all hands and I don't even know how it happened…" The crying starts, huge gasping sobs and he feels Carol move to his other side and put her arms around him, his dad on his other side, and he feels warn and secure in the circle of the arms around him, supporting him and he's sure they're the only reason he's still standing.

"Did he rape you?" His dad's voice is hard. Flat. Icy cold.

"No. But he…tried. He…got me trapped under him and just…"

He can't say anymore, feels his stomach churning again, the coffee heavy in his stomach, sour. His dad is crushing him, arms circling tight, and he doesn't need to say anything more.

He cleans.

Carol works beside him occasionally, but she is quiet, lays a gentle hand on his when she leaves to go and make a lunch he doesn't eat. He's upstairs when the doorbell rings and he jumps when he hears the door slam shut. He peers out the window and he sees Blaine's car, and his heart starts racing, palms sweaty and he's suddenly filled with anger. Furious that Blaine has made him feel this way. Furious with himself that he  _trusted_  him. That he wasn't strong enough to fight him off. _Everything._

He can't do anything to Blaine. Doesn't want to see him anyway, and he's refusing to think about school tomorrow. He walks to his room, hears his dad's raised voice, and he sounds as angry as he feels. His room is spotlessly clean, except he hasn't touched certain things. He's decided though, and he goes to the kitchen to get a garbage bag.

Ruthless. It's the only word he can think of that describes his mood. He goes through his photo board, and every photo with Blaine goes into the bag. Next he goes through his clothes. Anything that Blaine has ever said he liked goes into the bag. His favorite scarf, because Blaine was the last person to wear it and it smells of his cologne. The clothes from last night and he gags, smelling his own vomit. He pulls his phone from the pant pocket and grits his teeth as he deletes Blaine's contact details. The unheard phone messages and texts. Deletes all the photos. Changes his background from a picture of Blaine blowing him a kiss to one of his dad, Carol Finn and himself on the day of the wedding.

As he's deleting the photos, a painstaking process as it turns out, he realizes he needs to delete them off his computer as well. He's fairly certain he's going to need new crowns with the amount of teeth grinding he's doing, as his desktop picture pops up. Another one of Blaine. Changed to a picture of the glee club in New York. He logs on to Facebook and deletes his relationship status completely. Changing it would raise questions, hopefully just removing it, along with a few other things, will go unnoticed.

He then deletes all photos from his profile page with Blaine. Then un-tags himself from all other photos with Blaine in them belonging to other people. Then he removes Blaine as a friend and blocks him. He increases his security settings and deletes all messages from Blaine, making sure he can't be tagged in any photos by anyone. No one can mention his location. No one can add him as a friend without messaging him first.

He pauses, hand hovering over the track pad and he can see his reflection from the screen, and his face is red and blotchy. He flicks open to Finn's page, wondering if he has Dave listed as a friend. No. He tries Puck next. Also no. Mike. No. He flicks back to Finn and scans through his list of friends. Azimio Adams. He clicks. Sure enough he can now view Azimio's friends, and halfway through is Dave Karofsky.

He doesn't want to request him as a friend. Like changing his relationship status it would just raise too many questions among his friends. But he also doesn't want Dave telling anyone, and he's grateful that Dave goes to a different school, that he won't have someone walking around  _knowing_. He selects the ' _send message'_ option and starts typing.

_David, I just wanted to thank you again for your help last night. I am very grateful that you were there. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there. I would request you as a friend, however I know that you don't want rumors, and unfortunately a friendship status with me on Facebook in a town like Lima is paramount to wearing a pink suede cowboy hat. Anything a bit out of the ordinary you know?_

He adds in his e-mail address, saying he wouldn't mind exchanging the odd e-mail if he ever felt like it and he feels a tiny bit calmer.


	4. Blaine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those of you that shared your own personal stories about being in a similar situation to Kurt. Also for the record, there's never any excuse for assault, of any kind. Please remember that this is fiction (and I have used artistic license in some things – rather than do hours of research when I could be writing. Sorry.)

He gets home, his dad following him in his car the entire way and he can't stop wondering what the hell has just happened. He heads to his room and jumps onto his computer, wondering if Kurt is finally online. No. He goes to facebook and signs in and his profile page looks odd. He studies it, frowning, before realizing that his relationship status has disappeared. Along with…a lot of photos. The photos he's taken of Kurt are still there, but Kurt has untagged himself. From all of them. And he can't find Kurt's name among his friends list. Can't view Kurt's profile.

His breathing starts coming a little faster and he feels panicky. Whatever has happened is bad enough that Kurt has cut off all contact. He tries to call Kurt again and is no longer surprised when he doesn't get an answer. His mind is racing, trying to figure out how he can find out what happened. He rings Sebastian. He can't think of anyone else who  _might_  know what the hell happened last night, although he's pretty sure they left Seb in the bar, but he wouldn't swear to it. Right now he wouldn't swear to anything.

"Hey man, what's up? Have fun last night?"

The leer in his voice makes him feel sick.

"I...don't know if I had fun last night. I can't remember most of it. I was wondering if you could help fill in some blanks. Maybe help explain why Kurt has defriended me on Facebook, is not answering any of my calls or texts, and my emails are coming back undeliverable. And when I try his landline, well, his entire family don't want to talk to me. And refuse to put him on, or even tell him that I called."

"Shit man, what did you do?"

"I told you! I don't remember. What was in those drinks? You said there wasn't any alcohol."

"Well… there wasn't. But you weren't driving. I just slipped you something a little extra to loosen you up a bit."

"What? You drugged me? What the hell?"

"No biggie. I mean, nothing  _illegal_. You didn't seem to be having much fun with little Mr. Sour puss, who seemed a little too friendly with one of the baby bears in the club."

"What are you talking about? What the fuck did you give me? I can't remember anything Sebastian. This is not cool, and my boyfriend is pissed at me for something I can't even remember doing."

"Sounds like you reacted a bit badly, or maybe I slipped you a bit too much. I just wanted you to have a good time. Sorry if it's screwed things up with Kurt."

He doesn't sound sorry in the slightest and he hangs up on him without saying goodbye. Fucking Sebastian. Even though he knows he's not going to get a reply he sends him the usual  _'goodnight, I love you'_  text. He's glad he goes to McKinley, because it means that tomorrow he will be able to find Kurt and get some answers. He needs them.

School is odd without Kurt meeting him in the car park to walk in together. Their schedules are completely different, but they've always made as much time for each other as possible. He doesn't see Kurt anywhere, and he hangs around his locker until the last possible moment before being forced to run to home room. The other glee members all treat him as they usually do, and even Finn seems to be unusually friendly, which is odd. He's the only member of Kurt's family he hadn't struck when trying to phone him yesterday.

Eventually he spies Mercedes and even though she and Kurt aren't as close as they used to be he call's out her name, jogs up to her when she stops and turns to face him. They share a few classes, so if he's at school she would have seen him

"Hey, have you seen Kurt today?"

"Yeah. Actually, he was just here a minute ago. Weird. He's not feeling so well though. Wait, why haven't you seen him? You guys have a fight or something?"

"Or something. Look, if you see him can you tell him I really need to talk to him? He's ignoring my calls, texts and well…everything."

"Sure. He'll come round. You know Kurt, always a bit overly dramatic."

He smiles weakly and waves as she heads off to her next class. Cause sure Kurt has a tendency to be dramatic, but this is almost the absence of drama. He's pretty sure if he'd done something  _bad_  he'd get ignored, or yelled at, or something. This sudden absence of Kurt in his day is far worse than dramatics. He doesn't see Kurt in the lunchroom, and he feels odd being somewhere where Kurt is usually such a big presence, sitting with the other glee members. He feels lonely.

When he goes to head home he scans the parking lot for Kurt's car and sees nothing. He's been avoided all day, which he hadn't thought possible, but is apparently one of Kurt's secret skills he was never aware of until now. He can't help but feel dejected that Kurt's not even willing to talk to him. He heads into the house and his mom is typing away at her computer.

"Hey mom…"

"Hey sweetie, how was school?"

"Uh…okay."

"No.  _No._  I recognize that tone. It's was as far from okay as it is possible to get. What happened?"

He sighs. He knows better than to try avoid the subject, she'll just try him again later until he gives in.

"Kurt's avoiding me. I haven't seen him since Saturday night. He's not answering my calls or texts and he's even defriended me on Facebook."

"Oh no! Defriended on Facebook. The ultimate transgression."

" _Mom_ , I'm serious. He's pissed about something, but I don't even remember what happened, so don't know what I should even be apologizing for."

"Oh honey, I'm sure it'll all blow over. Kurt's friend looked like he'd take care of him, and said he'd leave your car at Kurt's place, so it can't be all bad now can it?"

He freezes. Kurt's friend?

"Who dropped me home on Saturday night?"

"It was really Sunday morning Blainey –"

" _Mom_!"

"Oh, I don't think he told us his name, but a nice looking boy. Tall. Big. He carried you inside."

"What did he look like?"

"Oh, brown hair, he was wearing a denim shirt and a hat. Your age I think. Maybe a bit older."

Blaine knows who she's talking about.

Probably.

Maybe.

David Karofsky.


	5. Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist (for those of you that know me you'll know when you get to it). Also I realized I made an error in the continuity of this story. If anyone can point it out I'll go back and fix it, if not, I'll assume you care as little as I do. (For the record it has zero effect on the story).

Dave reads the message with wide eyes. He immediately looks for the ' _add friend_ ' button, but it's missing and he frowns. He's never seen that before. He doesn't care about the whole reputation thing. Not that much anyway. He opens his e-mail instead and opens a new message;

_Hey. Anytime man. I mean that. I don't know exactly what happened, but I can take a guess. So not cool. I'd offer to beat the fuck out of him, but I'm trying to avoid that type of shit now you know? Doesn't mean I don't want to though. I kind of got the impression you didn't want to talk about it, but you probably should. If you want to that is. To a professional I mean. Not me. But you can talk to me if you want, I just don't think I can be any help._

_On a completely different note I came out to my dad today. He already knew._

_D_

He rereads the message and groans, he sounds like a complete idiot. Not that he believes Kurt thinks him much  _above_  idiot level, even taking last night into account, but he doesn't exactly want to hammer the image home. He selects all the text and his finger moves to the delete button but he's interrupted.

"Dave? Could I get your help?"

His eyes shoot to the door where Claire, his stepmom, is standing with a baby in her arms. Looking back quickly at his screen he decides 'w _hat the hell'_  and clicks send before getting up to take his baby sister from her. He needs to stop caring about what Kurt Hummel thinks of him.

"Thanks. I'll just go get the other one."

He nods and heads to the nursery, making stupid burbling sounds while leaning his head back to avoid Lily shoving her fingers up his nose. Or in his eyes. Or mouth. He puts her on the floor and immediately sits down with her. He doesn't usually, but he hasn't seen them for two days, and he's kind of missed them. A bit. Maybe.

His stepmom enters with Adam and puts him on the floor beside him where he pulls himself up to standing and promptly tries to push Lily off his knee.

"Can you keep them occupied while I unpack the car?"

"Sure. Was it a good trip?"

"Apart from the fact that my mother still drives me insane? Yes. I'll be back in a second."

He entertains his brother and sister the best he knows how, which is to continue making silly sounds and pulling faces. He's clearly hilarious, because Adam starts laughing hysterically which has a chain effect, making Lily start laughing and he can't help but chuckle. Claire makes several trips in and out of the room, carrying things, and Dave's pretty sure he could have carried everything himself in one trip, but he says nothing.

Claire has only been his stepmom for three years, but he likes her. She's never talked down to him, and she's closer to his age than his dad's, something which he only mentioned once, to which she replied with ' _nothing beats an older more experienced man David'_ , which had equally horrified and intrigued his thirteen year-old-self. She's always taken it in her stride when she gets mistaken as his older sister, doesn't bother her that she's been the subject of gossip. She loves his dad, and that's all he cares about.

She's unpacking bags, although her method of unpacking is pretty much emptying the entire bag directly into the laundry hamper. He knows she hasn't seen his dad yet, because she's home earlier than planned and his dad has gone to the office, and he wants to tell her, because he knows his dad will tell her anyway.

"I'm gay."

She stops and turns, mouth falling open and then snapping shut, hand coming up to cover her mouth and then she's beside him, arms wrapping around him tightly.

"Oh…that's…have you told your dad?"

"Yeah. This morning. I just…kinda wanted to tell you myself."

"Oh David. Thank you. This is probably that thing which your dad has been hiding from me. He already knew didn't he…"

"Yeah," Dave replies, and the fact that she knows that just tells him how perfect she is for his dad.

"Well, I just thought maybe you were a late bloomer, but… you okay with it?"

"Getting there. Slowly. And I think I'm still pretty much a late bloomer."

She ruffles his hair and kisses his forehead, making him feel the same age as his siblings, before getting up and going back to what she was doing. They talk about her trip to her parents in Cincinnati, his school work, what to have for dinner and he feels buoyant, the earlier feeling from this morning returning. It feels good.

The next morning as he walks through the halls of Carmel High he doesn't know if it's just a habit now, but he keeps an eye out for the younger kids, the kids that are a bit different. The bullying here is still present, but it's different. It's not physical, except for the occasional knocking of books to the floor. There's anonymous notes slipped into lockers though, name calling, which is just as bad. He knows how hurtful it can be, so he takes his time to help a young freshman kid pick up his books after they're knocked from his hands.

He's noticed one kid who always sits in his car, waiting until he sees Dave pull up; he then shadows Dave as he enters the school building. The kid tries to be covert, but he sucks at it. Dave's tried to be encouraging, nodding and smiling at him the few times he's caught his eye. He's pretty sure that if the kid was caught alone he'd get picked on. There're no dumpsters out the front of Carmel, but he's sure the other jocks could get creative. He's been surer of himself with them, doesn't have a history with them like he did at McKinley.

He plays both hockey and football at Carmel, straddling two social groups easily enough. He's not looking for close friends, having teammates that respect him and his skill is enough. He still worries about the whole being out in school, but he has no plans on coming out in high school. He's in no rush to find a boyfriend. He has his whole life ahead of him to find a relationship and screw it up.

He only sits with the hockey team for lunch once a week. Same for the football team. The other days he mixes it up, just walking up to a random table and asking if it's okay to sit. He's sat with the math-club people, and when he'd managed to contribute to the conversation the shock on their faces had him laughing out loud. He's sat with the drama group, and the Goths and also with the cheerleaders. He keeps it random, and occasionally he's waved over as soon as he turns from getting his food. It's nice to have everyone look at him without fear. And okay, some of them look at him like he's slightly crazy, but he doesn't care, he'll take crazy over scary any day of the week.

The only group he hasn't sat with, or wanted to sit with, is Vocal Adrenaline, and he's not sure why he's avoided them, but he can't help but feel a sense of loyalty to New Direction, because he's starting to suspect that they're just his type of crazy as well.


	6. Kurt

**CHAPTER SIX**

He continues purging his life, his room, removing physical elements of memories. He has to swallow convulsively to force the tears away several times, and Carole takes the bag from him, handing him an empty one before leaving him to it. The hardest thing he has to do is the music. He puts his computer on mute and deletes the entire folder named Blaine, with a little heart beside it. He hates this right now, that some of his favorite songs are now tarnished by their association with Blaine. It's so unfair. He lets the tears come then, but he's angry as well, angry that Blaine has forced him to this as well and that he's letting him.

He doesn't know how long he cries for, but he feels emotionally drained and exhausted when he's done. His lack of sleep isn't helping. His phone has been beeping and ringing, and he knows without looking that it will be Blaine. Tomorrow he will call up his service provider and see what he can do about getting Blaine's number blocked. He doesn't understand why Blaine is trying so hard to get hold of him, unless he thinks there's nothing wrong with what he did. Unless he wants to do it again. The thought of that has him bolting for the bathroom where he retches violently, bringing up nothing but stomach bile.

He drags himself back into his room, and he's shaky, for different reasons now though. He hasn't eaten since last night, but the thought of food makes him feel worse. He needs distraction, so he logs in to his computer, figure out what his friends are doing, do a little silent cyber stalking. He does a double-take, surprised that he's already received an e-mail from Dave. He smiles when he reads it. Dave types exactly how he talks, pauses and all. He's glad that Dave has come out to his dad, taken that hugely significant step, but it's dwarfed by his own feelings right now and he can't bring himself to e-mail him back and congratulate him.

That evening he plans his outfit for tomorrow. He's dressing down. He doesn't want to draw attention to himself, doesn't want to make himself easy to spot. He has no idea what he's going to do long term about Blaine and Glee club and how their lives are so interlinked, but short term, until he can figure out some better coping strategies he's going with plain avoidance.

He pulls out his plainest jeans, the baggiest ones he owns, which still aren't  _that_  baggy, but suit his purpose. They're a bit old, definitely out of fashion.  _Perfect_. He scans his shoe boxes, looking for the shoes he got almost two years ago. They're right at the back, a clear indication of how little he wears them. Hiking boots. Shoes he'd bought in the completely failed attempt to try and connect better with his father, before realizing he didn't need to try at all. A plain black t-shirt, something he'd bought with intentions of sewing together with another t-shirt to make something unique. And a cap.

When he goes into the kitchen the next morning dressed in his low-key ensemble his dad does a double take and his eyes darken, and he knows he isn't angry at him and he can't help be grateful that he has such a wonderful and supportive family. Finn hasn't even noticed yet, intent on his breakfast and trying to read the sports page of the newspaper upside down from where his dad has it spread out.

"You know you don't have to go to school today if you don't want to kiddo…"

"I have to do it sooner or later dad. Might as well get it over and done with now."

Finn looks up then and he frowns at Kurt.

"Dude, what are you wearing?"

"Clothes Finn. They're called clothes."

Finn looks confused, glances at Burt who shakes his head slightly, and that's all Finn needs to shrug unconcernedly and go back to eating.

He leaves for school early, dropping Finn at Rachel's on the way so they can make out or whatever. He gets there a whole forty minutes early, and instead of parking in the prime locations he parks down the street and around the corner, because he knows he can't avoid Blaine if he's loitering by his car.

He knows Blaine's schedule as well as his own, and he's been at McKinley for a lot longer, so he's pretty confident he can avoid Blaine. He goes to his homeroom and sure enough the teacher is there already, marking papers. He's a good student, and right now he's going to use that to his advantage. He knocks on the door of the class and asks if it's alright if he skips homeroom to go to the library to study. She does a double take at his outfit, almost as if she doesn't recognize him; he gets an easy smile and immediate agreement though.

He collects all the books he needs from his locker, they're heavy, but he knows not having to come back and forth lessens the chance of Blaine ambushing him in between classes. When it's time to go to class he moves quickly, cap over his hair, and he sees a few of his friends, and Blaine. He tenses and steps into a tiny alcove where a water fountain is located, bending down and pretending to take a drink. When he cautiously stands again Blaine has gone.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Mercedes asks when he sits beside her three classes later, not long before lunch. He shrugs.

"I…am not feeling so good. Needed a change."

"It's a change alright. I barely recognized you."

 _Good._  That's what he'd been betting on, however it's only going to be a few days before the people around him acclimatize to seeing him dressed like this.

"Don't worry, it's only short term. Just until I feel a bit better."

She's frowning, looks a bit worried and he tries smiling as best he can. Even just a few months ago she would know something more serious is bothering him, but she doesn't probe any deeper. The class finishes and they have the next class together as well, and it's then that he hears him, calling out Mercedes' name and not his own. He mutters ' _bathroom'_  under his breath and ducks into the bathroom, locking himself in a cubicle, Blaine's voice still ringing in his ears.

_Too close. Too close. Too close._

His breath is sharp and staccato. He can't be here anymore. Needs to go home. He waits for the bell to ring and for the hallway to quieten before slipping out. _Blissfully empty_. He heads to the front office and informs them he's feeling sick and going home. They make him wait while they ring his father to inform him. He listens as she talks, and suddenly she looks at him, eyes wide.

"No Mr. Hummel, he's not crying…"

Kurt takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes. His dad is wonderful, but he can be so over protective. Although he's kind of wishing he'd actually listened to his dad for once, then he wouldn't be running scared right now. He's allowed to go and he almost runs to his car and feels relieved when he gets in and locks the door. He quickly sends a text message to Mercedes, telling her he's gone home sick and asking her to pick up his homework for him. While he has his phone out he rings his service provider and gets them to block Blaine's number.


	7. Blaine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST. Mention of sexual assault.

He tries ringing Kurt again later that night and his blood runs cold.

' _Your number has been blocked.'_  A recorded voice informs him.

"Shit."

It's really serious then. He'd already known it was serious, but this is confirmation that he's clearly done something unforgiveable. He wants to know what it is, _needs_  to know, but the only person who can tell him is Kurt. Who isn't talking to him. Which leaves the guy who drove them home on Saturday night, who is _probably_  Dave Karofsky, but might not be.

If it  _was_  him then he's screwed because he has no idea how to contact him; and besides, he's always been a bit intimidated by the sheer size of Karofsky, although he'd never admit that to Kurt. The fact that Kurt even confronted the guy,  _alone_ , makes him admire Kurt. Although in hindsight if he'd known just how big Karofsky was he'd have told him to stay the hell away.

He leaves for McKinley a little bit earlier the next morning. He knows Kurt was at school yesterday, that he had somehow managed to evade him, although he has no idea how. He didn't see Kurt's car, and he looked for it. The only thing he can think of is that Kurt got a ride with Finn and either arrived early, unlikely if he was with Finn, or late. But that means he should have spotted him.

He pulls pen and paper out of his locker, quickly writing a note, and he feels odd apologizing for something he doesn't even remember, but he knows Kurt, if he doesn't apologize then he has no chance of talking to him at all.

_I'm sorry. Really sorry. Please just talk to me okay? I need to talk to you. Please._

He slips the note into Kurt's locker, feeling old-school, but right now it's his only means of communication that Kurt can't block, and even then there's no guarantee that he'll read it. And that's a depressing thought. He really wants to make it right, can't even think of any reason why Kurt would be so angry at him that he would cut him out of his life completely. He starts running through scenarios in his head.

Sebastian. Did he make out with Sebastian?  _No._  Surely Seb would have said something if he'd done something like that. Right? He sends him a text to ask, just in case.

' _No, we didn't get our groove on. Especially with Mr. Frosty there. Complete buzz kill.'_

He frowns. Maybe he's  _said_  something to Kurt then. Or Sebastian simply pissed Kurt off so much and by association he's been tarnished? None of this seems severe enough to warrant Kurt's reaction. Maybe he ruined Kurt's shoes? Clothing? Threw up on them or… _something_? He can't think of  _anything_. Except for making out with Sebastian, which he apparently didn't do. Maybe he said something about Sebastian? Oh god…did he break up with Kurt? It doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense. Except it would explain the cold shoulder treatment, the seemingly systematic removal and blocking he's getting everywhere.

He feels almost panicked, stomach clenching and his eyes are darting to every face, desperately seeking out Kurt. He needs to talk to him. Has to talk to him. Except he has no more luck spotting him than yesterday. He watches the other members of the glee clubs, and none of them seem to notice the absence of Kurt. The absence of Kurt who is usually at his side. It feels wrong, like he's in an alternate universe and he's the one out of place.

It's after lunch that he finally catches a glimpse of who he thought was Kurt, except dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans… He does a double take, certain his eyes are playing tricks. But no. It's  _definitely_  Kurt. Finally!

"Kurt!"

Kurt's pace picks up, stride lengthening and  _damn_  his extra height and long legs.

"Kurt! Stop…!"

At least he's not actually  _running_ , but his pace is definitely increasing, and he has to start jogging to just maintain the space between them.

"Kurt!"

He finally catches up, reaches out for his arm, brushes it, and suddenly Kurt is whirling on him, eyes flashing and he automatically takes a step back, hand dropping. He's never seen Kurt look so furious before. He takes another step back.

"Do  _not_  touch me."

"I…sorry. I just wanted to talk to you – "

"Well I  _don't_  want to talk to you!"

"Kurt, no, you have to listen to me!"

"Listen to you? The same way you listened to me on Saturday night?"

"What? I…I don't remember what happened. Please…"

"You don't remember? I wish that  _I_ could  _forget_."

"Don't you think you're maybe over reacting just a bit?"

" _NO!_  You don't remember what happened? Well, you wouldn't listen to me that night, but you  _will_  listen to me now. You want to know what happened? You  _used_ me. I begged you to stop, and you know what you did? You put a  _hand_  over my  _mouth_. So no, I don't think I am over acting. We are  _over_. You do not even exist to me any more. You do not get to speak to me, you do not get to sing to me and you  _definitely_ don't get to touch me. Not ever again."

Kurt turns on his heels and stalks away, and he can't help admire that even dressed the way he is Kurt looks poised and perfect. Then he repeats Kurt's words in his head, his stomach clenches. Oh god. His body starts to shake. He loves Kurt, the idea that he's… oh god. He's hurt him. Raped him?  _Oh god_ …  _Blackness_.

He comes to on the floor, the nurse kneeling beside him and a crowd of students standing watch.  _Great._  He lets her lead him to the sick room on shaky legs and agrees when she suggests that he should maybe go home. They ring his mom and he has to wait for her to come and pick him up, not prepared to let him drive home after apparently passing out. He wants to believe he misheard Kurt, that he didn't mean what he said, but it all makes sense and he feels sick, and sure enough he throws up into a trash can, the nurse  _tsk_ -ing in worry.

He travels home in silence, wanting to cry. He still doesn't know exactly what he's done, but Kurt's words are resonating in his head, repeating over and over again… _used me, begged you, hand over my mouth._ It paints a horrifying picture and he can't even begin to imagine how Kurt is feeling. Knows how Kurt feels about sex. Or felt about sex. His feelings have undoubtedly changed and Blaine can't blame him, he'll do as Kurt wishes and stay away from him.


	8. Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those that might be a bit confused about the timing/timeline of this, the first three chapters cover the same block of time (roughly), same with the next block of three chapters. It means if you read chapters 3, 6, 9 etc. you would have a story of solely Kurt's POV.

He sits down at the table containing most of the hockey team. Some of them are also on the football team, and he gets the usual nods of greeting. Yesterday he'd sat with the math geeks again, spending the time partaking in races to complete logic puzzles. He'd won a good third of the time, which continues to astound the other math geeks, but amuses him to no end.

"Why do you sit with the geeks anyway?"

He's halfway through his burger containing meat of dubious origins and he shrugs, he's been asked before, and he's explained it to each person who's asked, except he's never been asked in a public forum before. He can tell a few of the others are listening, waiting for his answer, and he knows he has to tread carefully.

"I…I got suspended from my last school for bullying. I promised my dad I wouldn't do it again, and he…suggested I got to know the other kids, because it's harder to make fun of people you know and actually kind of like…They're pretty cool to hang out with actually."

Of course, his dad suggested nothing of the sort, and he's done it completely of his own bat, figuring it made sense. The other team mates are shrugging and murmuring, and he lets out a little sigh of relief but then Grant jabs him in the ribs and waggles his eyebrows.

"Whatever works for you bro, 'cause little Honey Willows has been eyeing you up all lunch break…"

"What?"

He turns his body to where Grant is indicating his head and sure enough one of the girls at the cheerleader-filled table smiles and gives him a little wave.  _Oh fuck._ He turns back to face the other guys and he knows he's blushing, probably not for the reason they think, but it doesn't matter. They all start making rude comments and telling him to go get some and  _fucking hell_ , the one time he doesn't need or want a girl interested in him and apparently he's suddenly hot property? What the hell?

He's wondering if he can avoid her, go and return his lunch tray and try and be all stealth-ninja like and slip past her.  _Avoid. Avoid. Avoid_. No such luck. She practically ambushes him when he turns from getting rid of his tray, popping up in front of him and he can see the guys bumping fists at the table. He's going to have to do this, he's really going to have to do this. He just wishes he knew what  _this_  was.

"Dave right? I'm Honey." She's small, petite and smiling widely. Friendly looking.

"Uh, yeah. Hi," he replies, and he doesn't want to say her name, it's a freaking term of endearment. What were her parents  _thinking_?

"Walk me to my next class?"

There's still thirty minutes left of the lunch break and his eyes go wide. He has no idea what she wants. Thirty minutes is a long time and he's not making out with a girl again, not after Brittany in Sophomore year, and not the fake kisses Santana forced on him as a cover up last year. And he's been trying  _so_ hard to be honest with himself, honest with his family… His heart has started beating double time, his palms sweaty and he's not ready to come out at school, but he can't go out with a girl, it's a step backwards.

"Uh, okay."

"Great! Come on, we can grab our jackets and walk around the track…"

"Oh, okay." He's not sure what he'd been expecting, but he can work with this. There won't be a lot of people outside, maybe me can let her down gently. Or something. They gather their jackets and he holds the door open to the outside for her and she grins up at him. Fuck. Maybe if he acted like a complete jerk she wouldn't be interested, but he doesn't want to go back to that. It's not who he wants to be.

"So, I was wondering if you'd be interested in going to a movie sometime?"

He freezes.  _Stall. Stall Stall_. She's looking at him hopefully, expectantly, and his mind and heart are racing. He feels like he's walking a tightrope, balancing precariously over a canyon and is going to plummet to his death any second now if he says the wrong thing.

"Look, um…I'd love to, but…I just don't want to…uh, lead you on or anything. I'm really not looking for a girlfriend right now."  _Or ever._

"Oh. Really?" She looks disappointed and he nods. "Well. That's okay. I still think I'd like to get to know you better. I mean, you seem pretty cool, hanging out with all the different groups at lunchtime. I kind of like it, that you don't follow the crowd. Do your own thing. You seem way more mature than some of the other jocks."

Dave looks to the side, then his other side, because he feels like he's suddenly being set up. Going to be the butt of a massive practical joke.

"I'm not. Trust me…I just, have reasons to try and be more mature."

He ends up filling her in on the same abbreviated story he's just told his teammates and she's nodding and looking serious. He adds in a bit about needing to focus on his school work, just to cover his bases. They're halfway around the track, both huddled into their jackets.

"That's really great. But you must have fun sometimes right?"

"Uh…" He's pretty sure that admitting that he goes to Scandals and hangs out there, when he needs to remind himself he isn't alone and he will be able to stop hiding one day soon can be classified as fun. "Yeah. Occasionally. Sure."

"Well then. How does Friday suit you. We can watch a movie on Netflix and eat pizza. Not a date. Just as friends. How about you invite a couple of other people. Just friends."

He can't think of any plausible reason to say no, so he agrees reluctantly, although her enthusiasm is almost contagious. He's already trying to think of subtle ways to sabotage the evening though, wondering who he could invite to ensure she never wants to see him again. He'd invite Az, but he's pretty pissed at him about the whole transfer thing at the last minute, and he's pretty sure Az suspects something is up.

He gets home and Claire is in the kitchen, already cooking and steaming vegetables. He'd offer to help, except he set the oven on fire last time he stepped foot in the kitchen, his packet brownie mix overflowing the tin and creating a charred black mess that had filled the house with noxious black smoke. He'd just wanted a snack.

Claire passes him a glass of water and a piece of cake. Tuesday is her baking day, her stay at home alone and do whatever the hell I want day, which she'd informed Dave was crucial to her sanity. He's not complaining. It means cake. This time it's chocolate, although there are suspicious looking green bits in there and he wouldn't put it past her to have snuck vegetables in.

"So uh… I might have a date. I think. I…don't know."

"With a boy?" Claire's eyebrows shoot up and he shakes his head emphatically.

"No. A  _girl_. But I told her that I wasn't interested in dating, or having a girlfriend, but she just kind of…pushed me into watching a movie and getting pizza on Friday night. Not going out, just hanging out at home. And to invite other friends. What do I do?"

"Dave, have you considered she might just want to be your friend? Boys and girls are allowed to just be friends you know," she winks at him and Dave rolls his eyes. "If you've been upfront with her then that's all you can do. Just be consistent. Don't lead her on."

"Isn't having pizza and watching a movie kind of like a date though?"

"Yes and no. It's what you make it Dave. Just… make it not a date."

Dave frowns. He's never really been on a date, so how does he make something not a date? He groans. When did his life get so confusing?


	9. Kurt

He freezes and the pushes himself against the door to a classroom. He's not as early as yesterday, thinking it's slightly safer after his success of avoidance yesterday. He knows he has to face him, but he just wants a little more time to prepare himself. He peeks his head around the row of lockers, watches as Blaine writes something, awkwardly pressing on his thigh before slipping a piece of paper in to his locker. He fully expects Blaine to look up at any second, see him and call out. Except he doesn't. He seems distracted, his forehead furrowed with worry lines and he wanders off, clearly not paying attention to his surroundings.

He waits. Waits a good five minutes before he feels brave enough to move again. He opens his locker, and the piece of paper flutters to the floor. He doesn't need to know what it says, can take a fairly good guess, so he just picks it up and crumples it into a ball, throwing it into the nearest trash can. He gathers his books and walks to his homeroom, like yesterday he seems to have faded out from the notice of the other students.

He takes a head down approach, focuses solely on his classes and getting through the morning. His dad had been more than okay with him coming home at lunch time, had also broached the subject that maybe he could get some therapy. He doesn't want to talk about it, but his feelings about that might change. At least his dad has dropped the whole pressing charges, because then everyone would know, and he'll never be ready for that. Ever.

He's never noticed before how many people touch him accidentally during the day, and he knows he's super aware of it but he moves carefully, positioning himself so that he can glide between bodies. He sits down beside Rachel in their English class and she turns to him, looking concerned.

"Have you seen Blaine? He looks terrible. Maybe he's got the same bug you went home with yesterday. You still look sick yourself, should you even be at school today? I can always tell when you're under the weather, you become miserable."

It's said as a throw away comment but his stomach clenches. He doesn't care about how Blaine looks. And he doesn't care how he looks. He doesn't respond to Rachel and she sniffs, clearly annoyed, because he hadn't wanted to listen to her yesterday either, when she'd wanted to talk about Finn. Class lets out and he heads to lunch. He knows it's safe today, Blaine's lunch period is after his, there is only a fifteen minute period where it overlaps.

Of course his luck disappears as he heads to the gym and he hears his name being called, knows it is Blaine calling out to him but he can't handle this right now. He starts walking faster. He doesn't want to break into an all-our sprint, because that would draw more attention than he wants, but he will do it if he has to, if it means getting away. He hears Blaine call out  _'stop'_  and it makes a surge of anger flood through him. Stop?  _He_  should stop? He feels something brush his arm and he whirls around, suddenly furious.

"Do  _not_  touch me." He interjects as much venom as possible. Blaine has lost all rights to touch him, to even be near him. He has no idea what he's going to do at practice tomorrow, but that's another day. He needs to deal with the now. Blaine is talking, saying he needs to talk to him and he bites out an answer. He bites out all his answers, tight and in control but then Blaine says something unforgiveable, on top of everything he has already done.

"Don't you think you're maybe over reacting just a bit?"

He feels his eyes go wide and he's  _furious_. He just lets go, lets every bit of anger and frustration and fear that's been festering away inside of him for the last two and a half days flood out, and he  _rages._  He doesn't care who hears him, but he knows his voice is lower than usual, almost hissing out, but it's still loud, but the blood rushing in his ears drowns it out. When he's finished yelling, and it was definitely yelling at the end, he barely notes the utterly gob smacked expression on Blaine's face before he turns and walks away, back straight and his pace controlled.

He can't even remember what he has just said, but there are a few people staring at him with wide eyes and the rushing in his ears increases.  _Oh shit._  All he wants to do is break into a sprint and get away. As far away as possible. He runs then, and he doesn't care if he's pushing past people, causing even more people to stare at him and he throws open a bathroom door and then sinks to the floor in a cubicle, throwing up the small amount he'd managed to eat at breakfast.

"Let me guess, you're pregnant," Santana states, lips smacking together with the gloss she's just applied. He'd barely noticed her presence, but he looks up at her. He's shaking, the adrenaline of facing Blaine wearing off fast and he feels the tears starting to well up and over. He feels  _awful_. He clearly looks as bad as he feels because Santana drops to a crouch beside him, suddenly concerned.

"What happened? Who do I need to hurt?"

The temptation to sic Santana on Blaine is huge, to have him running scared, because Santana can be terrifying when you're on her bad side. And despite the fact that they're in opposing glee clubs right now is clearly not an issue. He throws up again and he can't believe he's falling to pieces again, is so  _frustrated_  that he simply can't hold it together to get through just one whole day. He looks up again and Santana is thumbing her phone furiously and  _damn,_ he's pretty sure she's just called for reinforcements.  _Terrific_.

He stands on shaky legs, tries his best not to think about the fact that he was just sitting on the floor in a school bathroom, and at least in the girls restroom there's less likely to be pee on the floor, but still… his mind shuts down. He doesn't need those thoughts on top of everything else right now and he washes his hands several times before rinsing his mouth and then patting his face with some wet hand towels that Santana holds out for him.

When the door opens he stiffens, prepared for more questions about what he's doing in the girls bathroom, or worse questions if they heard what he was yelling at Blaine. Except none of them come, it's Brittany, followed by Mercedes. Rachel is thankfully absent, because her histrionics right now is the last thing he needs and he realizes then that of course Rachel wouldn't be included, these are all members of the Troubletones. He almost sags in relief, but the serious look on both Santana and Mercedes' faces stops him. He's going to have to tell them, the thought both terrifies him and fills him with the sick-fluttery anxiety he felt just before he came out to his dad.

"Come on, we're skipping class," Santana informs them, and Mercedes mouth snaps shut mid-objection.

He's dragged to the auditorium, up the back into a dark little section which is secluded and quiet. There's a clear view of the stage and he can see some drama students painting pieces for a set. They're all quiet for a moment and then he feels Mercedes wrap an arm around him. He doesn't mind her touching him, or Santana when she awkwardly pats his leg.

"I heard what you yelled at Blaine… what happened?"

" _Blaine?_ " Santana asks, and her eyes narrow.

He swallows, forcing away the tightness in his throat and starts talking. He talks about the little things first, what he was wearing, his stupid fake ID, Sebastian. His voice breaks when he says he doesn't even know how Blaine got on top of him in the first place. He hears Mercedes gasp as if she's standing at the end of a long tunnel and he details more of what happened. When he finishes he's being crushed by three pairs of arms and he feels a bit better. He feels less alone.


	10. Blaine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst. Very dark. Mention of rape. Suicidal thoughts (not explicit). You might want to leave reading this until the next two chapters are posted because it kind of ends in a cliff hanger. Fair warning okay?

He can't sleep or eat. He lies in his bed staring at the ceiling and everything makes sense, except it doesn't. His mom has been fluttering around, all concerned, but he can't say anything to her. She's already disappointed enough that he went out to a bar illegally and had to get dropped home by some stranger who was probably Karofsky. He understands all of Kurt's behavior now, and it's completely justified, he just wishes he could remember. Except he really  _doesn't_  want to remember.

He can't imagine doing what Kurt has described. Using him? Holding a hand over his mouth? His stomach clenches again and he knows if there was anything in his stomach he'd be throwing up.  _Again_. His mind can't seem to focus on the idea that he has raped Kurt, skittering away each time, and he can feel tears leaking out from his clenched shut eyes. He  _loves_  Kurt.  _So_  much. Can't believe he's hurt him so badly. Doesn't know what to do to make this better, if anything.

He trudges down to dinner. It's just him and his mom, his dad working late again and he's grateful for small mercies at least, because together his parents are a force to be reckoned with and he doesn't have the energy right now to fight them. His mom has done a roast chicken, his favorite, but it tastes like sawdust and it feels heavy in his stomach. He's only eating to please her, but he ends up just pushing the food around on his plate.

"Please Blaine, please tell me what's wrong honey…"

He could lie and just say he doesn't feel very well, but he knows it won't work. She's already asked him about what he's eaten, taken his temperature five times and tried to force him to have multiple bowls of chicken soup. He's told her he's fine, and it's obvious she doesn't believe him. He needs to tell her something, anything, to get her off his case.

"Kurt and I broke up."

It's true he realizes. He's not said anything about breaking up, but Kurt's actions speak louder than words, they always have, and he's single again. Of course he is. He doesn't want to be single, he wants to be with Kurt, snuggled up on the sofa to watch movies, or shopping. He's never going to get him back. He sniffs

"Today?"

"Uh, yeah. No. Well, I just realized it today. He's not talking to me."

"Really? That doesn't sound like Kurt. Have you had a fight?"

"Mom, I really don't want to talk about it, can you just leave it? Please?"

"Okay. If you're sure, but you know you always feel better when you've talked about stuff." He knows she's right, but he really doesn't want to tell her. She's starting to clear the plates and he stands to help. "You can tell me anything you know, I might get angry or disappointed, but I'll love you anyway… it's part of being a parent."

He knows what she's trying to say, but he's pretty sure blurting out ' _I'm a rapist'_  isn't going to go down well in any company. He doesn't know why Kurt hasn't reported him to the police, because he kind of feels like he should go and hand himself in, because he's starting to feel the shame of what he's done starting to drown him.

"Has dad ever forced you to do something you really didn't want to do?"

"You mean apart from spending Christmas with your grandparents every year?"

He hates that she's laughing, that she seems to think that for whatever reason he's asking is a laughing matter. She's placing dishes in the dishwasher and he feels shaky again.

"Mom, seriously…has he ever forced you…"

He deliberately lets the sentence trail off and he's gripping the sides of his plate so hard his knuckles are white and she looks up at him, either the tone of his voice, or his posture or something just a mom knows making her stop and look at him.

"Not your father. No. Blaine… what's happened?" He can see the love and concern in her eyes and he doesn't deserve it, the quiet way she's asked the question. "Is this about what happened on Saturday night?"

"I don't remember what happened…" he admits, and he can't meet her eyes, can barely swallow past the lump in his throat that is either about to make him cry again, or throw up, now that there's something in his stomach for it to play with.

"Were you really that drunk?"

"I…no. Sebastian slipped something into my drink…"

"You accepted drinks from a stranger?" He's not sure if she's horrified at his stupidity, or about her failure in teaching him not to accept drinks from strangers.

"Sebastian isn't a stranger mom. He's a friend."

"A person that slips you drugs unknowingly is no friend Blaine. Do you know what it was?"

"Uh, no. Why?"

"I'm going to find out. So what happened?"

"I don't  _remember_."

"Don't get smart with me Blaine. What happened between you and Kurt?"

He meets her eyes then, and she looks…angry.  _Oh god_. He can't have her thinking that Kurt did something to  _him_ , not after what he's put Kurt through already, and his mom can be something of a raging lioness when she thinks he or his brother are threatened or hurt, and she's always been particularly protective of him…

"I don't remember what happened, but today Kurt… told me that I used him… I think I raped him mom."

The last is whispered and his mom closes the small gap between them and has her arms wrapped around him and her hold is bruisingly hard. It doesn't make him feel any better. He lets her shuffle him off to bed, her hand dry and cool as she strokes his forehead while he cries. He feels exhausted, emotionally drained, and he has no idea when he eventually falls asleep.

He has dreams. Nightmares. He wakes up sticky with sweat and panting in fear. All he can remember of his dreams is ripping Kurt limb from limb, hurting him over and over until he was dripping with blood and begging for him to stop. He has to run to the bathroom and only just makes it before his stomach rejects everything he managed to eat at dinner. He knows he needs to sleep, but he doesn't want to dream. Doesn't want to close his eyes again and face those images.

His parents have sleeping pills. He's used them before when he's been too keyed up to sleep and he steps quietly into their en suite, noting that his dad  _still_  isn't home, and it's past midnight. He turns on the soft ambient lighting in the bathroom and takes out the small bottle. It's still over half full. He shakes out one tablet, running the faucet and catching some water in his hands to help swallow the tiny pill. He automatically goes to put the bottle back, but his fingers curl around it and he draws his hand back.

He takes the bottle with him when he goes back to bed.


	11. Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vague reference to suicide.

He pulls into the parking lot and spots his shadow in the car three down and sends him a little wave. A head ducks in answer and he grins to himself, because they have this silent way of communicating. He never wears his letterman jacket. He carries it over his arm though, and hangs it in his locker. It's almost like a shield, powerful in its own right and it's ridiculous how a bunch of fabric seems to have power over the other students. He doesn't want or need that power anymore, but he still carries it, because he knows he can only push things so far.

He gets out and heads for the building, there's a biting wind today, and he's wearing a thick woolen jumper, not wanting to get cold just because he doesn't want to wear his letterman. He glances back and his shadow is about ten paces behind him; his efforts to engage him in conversation have so far been fruitless. He turns his head back and almost jumps. She's part ninja, it's the only explanation.  _Honey_.

"Hi Dave!"

"Uh, hi…"  _Still unable to say her name_.

"Can I wear this?" She runs a finger coyly over his letterman jacket, where it's slung over his arm and  _hell no._  He knows what it means, a girl wearing your jacket, and there's  _no way_  he's sending that message. He starts walking again, briskly.

"Uh, no. Just,  _no_. Sorry." He feels like a jerk, but he doesn't need this right now. He hopes she's not going to start meeting him at his car every day, and he might need to be a bit more forceful about his  _just friends_  thing.

"Oh. That's okay," she shrugs good naturedly and tries to link her arm through his as he walks. He resists, pulling his arm tight to his body so she can't worm her hand around and she ends up just resting her hand on his arm, almost skipping beside him to keep up. He can't believe she's trying so hard, is so  _persistent_. It's only Wednesday and she's already trying his patience.

Fortunately he has no classes with her, and he's only just thought that maybe she's not actually a senior. He has no idea and apart from the fact he's meant to be hanging out with her he really doesn't care. When he isn't in training he puts all his effort into his classes, he's quiet, doesn't draw attention to himself, although when the teachers call on him he always knows the answer. When the bell rings to signal the start of lunch he has plans to sit with the drama group, they're always kind of fun and distracting, and he needs that right now.

When he enters the canteen however Honey is waving her arm furiously, so he just does a one-eighty turn and heads in the opposite direction. He doesn't care what anyone thinks. He heads for his truck; he can hide out in there until the lunch period is over. Sure, it's the cowards way out, but the subtle approach is clearly not working. As he gets closer to where he parked he can see his shadow sitting in his car and heads there instead, wondering with the lack of people around he'll be able to get the guy to talk.

He knocks on the window softly, doesn't want to spook him, but has to knock a bit louder because the guy is listening to music, ear buds stuck firmly in his ears. He finally gets his attention and despite his best efforts the guy jumps a little. The window is wound down and he grins, trying to look friendly.

"Hey dude, you eat lunch in your car every day?"

He fully expects a silent nod, but he can see the guy's throat working and he waits. He's gotten three words out of the guy so far, ' _Hey'_  and ' _See ya'_. And he doesn't know if he can really count ' _see ya'_  as two words.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"You could eat with me you know…"

"Uh. That many people freak me out a bit."

Oh.  _Oh._  Dave hadn't thought beyond the guy being painfully shy, but if the guy doesn't like crowds that kind of makes sense.

"What's your name man, I can't keep calling you Shadow in my head…"

He gets a little huff of amusement.

"Nathan. You're Dave. The other transfer kid."

"The  _other_ , oh, you transferred?"

He ends up standing there, hands in his armpits to keep them warm, leaning against the car and talking. He learns that the guy comes from New York but was homeschooled, because of anxiety in large crowds. He's been sent here of all places to live with an Aunt to remove him from the large crowds. The conversation is easy, the guy's a junior, and when he asks if Honey is his girlfriend he shakes his head and answers with a very emphatic  _no_. They're talking about movies when movement in the corner of his eye makes him turn and Dave stiffens when he recognizes the other boy.

 _Blaine_.

He looks  _terrible_. He's clearly been crying, there are dark circles under his eyes and as much as he wants to punch him for what he's done to Kurt he's promised himself that sort of behavior isn't an option any longer. He excuses himself from Nathan and walks over to Blaine, who is studying his truck.

"What do you want?"

"Karofsky…I… Kurt's not talking to me. He hates me."

"I don't blame him. You're a douche."

"So it  _was_  you…"

"What? Was me what?"

"That drove us home." Dave shrugs, noncommittal, then nods. He has nothing to lose. "My mom said you were there… that you carried me inside. I… don't remember what happened. What did I do to him? Did I rape him? I just need to know and he isn't talking to me…"

He sounds broken, looks worse and Dave bites his lip. Truthfully he doesn't know for sure. He doesn't think so, only because he's pretty sure Kurt would have demanded a trip to the police station if that had been the case, but he can't be completely certain, because it's  _Kurt_.

"Look, I don't know what you did  _exactly_ …but when I found Kurt, he was crying, shaking and had vomited everywhere…" All color drains out of Blaine's face, and Dave wants to  _hate_  him. Hate him, because Kurt loved him, trusted him, and he took that love and trust and betrayed it all. He just…can't. He hates what Blaine has  _done_ , but he can't look at Blaine and not know how fucked up the guy is right now. Doesn't mean he has to like him though. "I just thought that maybe it was alcohol at first, but then he kind of waved a hand at the car or something and I saw you, lying in the back of the car, on the floor, your dick was hanging out… Something happened, I just don't know anything more than that."

He shrugs again and notices then that Blaine is shaking, his hand curled tight around something and it's making a quiet but persistent rattling sound, one he recognizes from darker times and he takes a mental pause. Eyes closing. Deep breath. When he opens his eyes he jumps forward, hand encircling Blaine's wrist and when he startles, shocked, his hands open and he catches the small bottle.  _Sleeping pills_. Thankfully the bottle still feels full but his stomach is roiling in fear anyway, not for himself but for Kurt.

"Oh for  _fucks_  sake…You'd seriously do  _this_  to Kurt as well? Make  _him_  feel guilty that he's made  _you_  feel so bad that you're going to kill yourself? No.  _No_. You don't get to make that call. Come on. I'm taking you home.  _Again._ "

"I just thought maybe I could fix a problem caused by drugs…with drugs."

"What are you? An idiot? Seriously? What do you mean anyway? Were you high on Saturday night?" He opens the door to his truck and waits while Blaine buckles in. He's weirdly compliant and he's suddenly worried that maybe Blaine has taken some of the pills after all.

"Sebastian drugged me."

Oh  _shit_. He inhales and exhales slowly, runs his hands through his hair and scrubs his face. This just got way more confusing and complicated and he's just become even  _more_  involved.

 _Fuck_.


	12. Kurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference to suicide/drugs/rape

Today has been good so far. School had been fine, he hadn't spied Blaine anywhere and his car hadn't been in the parking lot and he'd literally felt his anxiety drop off his shoulders like a heavy blanket. Just to be safe though he'd gone to practice with the TroubleTones at lunch, ignoring the hurt looks on both Rachel and Finn's faces. Though he couldn't bring himself to care. Finn still hasn't escaped whatever bubble he's in to notice that something is wrong, although he  _had_  gotten a weird look from him when he'd flinched away from a friendly hug. Which had been odd, Finn's not normally affectionate, especially not in public, and definitely not with him.

He's home now, helping Carol organize dinner and she's keeping up a steady stream of conversation, one he doesn't need to contribute to overly much. He's hearing all about her day, the strange customer requests, weird clothes, and moments like this he wonders whether he'd get along great with his own mom. He's always assumed he would, from what he remembers of her, but sometimes a little traitorous part of his mind points out that they were very similar and would've likely ended up arguing about which music to listen to. He ignores it.

The doorbell rings and indicates he'll answer it, Carole busy peeling potatoes. He looks through the peep hole and frowns, can't figure out why Dave would be at his house, it's not like they're friends, despite what's happened, and he's pretty sure Dave should be at training. Or some other after-school activity. He opens the door slowly, slightly hesitant. Dave is standing there, hands in pockets, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else but there, looking slightly embarrassed. And worried.

"Hey Kurt…"

"Dave. Hi. What can I do for you?"

"Look, uh… this is really, uh, awkward, but do you have Blaine's parent's cell numbers or something?"

_What the hell?_

"Why would you need those?"

"Uh… it's kind of…um…personal. Um. Can I come in?"

If Carole wasn't home he wouldn't have thought for a second before closing the door in his face, except she is home and he just feels that he can trust Dave to not freak him out. Hopefully. He opens the door wider and beckons Dave inside with a hand, leading him through to the lounge after informing Carole of their visitor.

"Look, uh, I don't need to stay long, I just… need a way of getting hold of Blaine's parents."

"Oh. Well I don't have their numbers. Do you mind telling me  _why_  you need to get hold of them so desperately?" He snaps.

Dave lets out a long sigh and ruffles his hair and rubs his face, and he looks tired.

"I get that he's a complete asshole, and I've never liked him… but he came to find me today."

"What?  _Why_?"

"Because you aren't talking to him and he wanted to find out what happened on Saturday. Not that I could shed much light, except tell him how I found you… he believes he raped you."

He stiffens at that, doesn't want to get into all the details again, least of all with Dave Karofsky. It's none of his business.

"Look Kurt, I don't like the guy, but he… he clearly  _loves_  you. A lot. I mean… He's pretty cut up about the whole thing. Devastated even."

" _He's_  devastated?"

" _Fuck_. I'm screwing this up. Look. He had a bottle of sleeping pills on him. I get that he's a complete ass. I  _really_  do. I just… I think you'd have made me take you to the police if something  _really_ bad had happened, not that what happened wasn't bad.  _Fuck_. Shit. I'm not good with words."

He doesn't know what to say, because Dave seems to be doing fine with the words, but he's gone cold at the idea of Blaine killing himself because of what he's done. Clearly he's not as cold-hearted as he'd like to think and a small part of him hates the idea of Blaine hurting. It's a very small part though. Dave's continued talking, hands still shoved into the pockets of his jeans, eyes on the toes of his shoes.

"Look, I get it. He betrayed your trust. Has hurt you and shit… but how will you feel if he beats himself up so badly over this that he does something stupid? Like, _really_ stupid? I'm trying to do the right thing, so I drove out to his place and there was no one there, so I drove back to Lima and I didn't want to bring…him here, so I took him to my place so my step-mom can keep an eye on him and then I came here… because I'm out of ideas. So that's why I need a number."

Kurt lets out a sigh. Despite it all Dave is making sense even with all his rambling. He doesn't wish Blaine dead, and he might hate him right now, might never want to see him again, but dead? No. He's glad that he's not sitting out in Dave's truck though, that Dave didn't want to bring him here. It's a small comfort.

"Come on, his dad is a lawyer in Cincinnati. We can work from there."

He hasn't even pulled his phone out of his pocket before the doorbell rings again and Carole calls out  _'I got it!'_  He enters in a search engine for legal firms in Cincinnati with Anderson, because he's pretty sure Blaine's dad is a partner. Or associate. Something.

"Kurt? You have another visitor…"

He turns and okay, Dave Karofsky is not the strangest person to ring his doorbell this afternoon. Blaine's mom is a petite woman, tidily dressed in designer jeans and blouse, stylish boots, but instead of her usual coiffed hair and impeccable makeup she looks…  _desperate._  Worried. Concerned.

"Kurt, I… I know it's probably a long shot, but Blaine hasn't been by has he? He left his phone at home."

Kurt looks to Dave, who looks between him and Blaine's mom.

"Uh…Mrs um… uh… Blaine's mom… sorry, I don't know your last name."

"Oh, I'm Meredith Harper. I… have you seen Blaine?"

"Uh, yeah. I've been trying to get hold of you actually. Um… Blaine's not so good."

Kurt watches as her face drains of color and he has to bite his lip.

"He's fine. He's at my place. My step-mom is keeping an eye on him… I just didn't want to leave him alone."

"Thank you. Thank you  _so_   _much_ …"

Kurt watches as Dave's eyes fly wide as he's hugged by the tiny woman. She looks particularly small beside him, but the fierceness of her hug obviously has some impact and he awkwardly pats her on the back. Then he's being hugged, he stiffens automatically and can hear her sob into his chest.

"I'm so sorry Kurt…so sorry."

Why was  _she_  apologizing? He's not sure how to respond. Because it's not okay. He's not okay. He can't forgive her for something she didn't do, and he's  _definitely_ not forgiving Blaine. And he's unsure of the etiquette in this situation but thanking someone for an apology that is second-hand. He just shrugs, unsure, and she steps back, wiping under her eyes daintily with a fingertip.

"I'm going to be following up the drug use. I've been talking with the school governors today…"

"Wait. What drugs?" He demands, wants to know if there's more to what happened to him on Saturday.

"Sebastian. He apparently drugged Blaine, I –"

"That's  _not_  an excuse!" Kurt snaps out, understanding dawning.

"Of course not. There's  _never_  an excuse. But it  _is_  an explanation. I hope you know he would never have deliberately hurt you. It's killing him inside that he…" her voice trails off and her eyes get teary again, and  _why_  is he the one feeling bad?

He needs to tell her the truth, needs Dave to tell her about the pills, although he's pretty sure she already knows, or at least suspects.

And today had been going so well up until now.


	13. Blaine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vagus reference to suicide/drugs/sexual assault. This is a piece of fiction. I have no expert knowledge of drugs.

He's on what he can only assume is suicide watch. His mom has threatened to move into his room and sleep on the floor beside his bed, which is humiliating. He hadn't seriously been thinking about it, but he had  _wondered_. He's lying in bed now, wide awake and unable to sleep. It's late, definitely past midnight, but his door is open (it'll be taken off the hinges if he closes it) and his mom keeps coming to stand outside, quietly, as if to check he's still breathing. He'd snapped at her the last time, telling her he was still alive and she'd snapped back, telling him she's sorry for caring before bursting into tears again.

She's emptied the house of alcohol. And all prescription medication. He doesn't even know if there's even any Tylenol anymore. He'd seen her eyeing the knife block and had felt  _so_  guilty. He hadn't meant to worry her. Worry anyone. And despite his reassurances that he's not going to do anything stupid or desperate it hasn't taken the fear from her eyes. He feels terrible, but not as bad as last night. Which makes him feel worse in a different way.

He still can't remember what has happened, but his mom has filled him in. The fact that she'd had to go to Kurt to find out where he was… that Karofsky was there as well was pure coincidence. He knows details now, and they horrify him. Kurt screaming at him in a hallway filled with their peers about what he'd done had told him… his mom sitting down and quietly, clinically informing him of what exactly happened has made it real. He  _knows_  now. It's numbing. Although he's also relieved, because while what he's done is disgusting and wrong, it's not as bad as he'd first feared.

There's a whole other level of guilt when he thinks that. It's still bad. He's still hurt the guy he loves, hurt him so badly that a simple apology isn't ever going to be enough. He wants to make things right, but has no idea how, or even where to start. Except Kurt has told him to leave him alone and he can't exactly make things right with him if he won't ever see him again. Except he's not going to seek Kurt out to apologize, not when his mere presence upsets him. He wants to upset Kurt as little as possible, although the thought of never seeing him again is actually physically painful.

He somehow manages to sleep, although he feels gritty-eyed when he wakes, even worse than the night before. His mom has cancelled whatever meetings she has today, and he has no idea how things are going to return to normal. He'd transferred to McKinley to be with Kurt, and he doesn't want to go back to Dalton. Not with Sebastian there. He wonders if he could go to school with Dave. He'd kind of enjoyed hanging out with him yesterday, although he's pretty sure Dave doesn't like him for whatever strange reason. He'd liked Dave's stepmom too, and the babies. It had been a good distraction, talking to someone who had just taken him at face value. Refreshing.

His mom is on the phone, sounding angry. At least her anger isn't directed at him this time, although he can't figure her out right now, swinging between over-protective concern and anger. Nothing in his life makes sense anymore. He knows it's only temporary.  _Hopes_  it's only temporary, but figures he's going to have some changes coming up in his life that he's going to have very little say in. On top of what he's done to Kurt it's even more depressing.

He's brought out of his musings by his phone, and he can't help the tiny little spark of hope that maybe it's Kurt. It isn't, and he doesn't even know if he wants to answer.  _Sebastian._  He accepts the call with reluctance. He doesn't even warrant a hello, Sebastian just launches in to conversation.

"Thanks for ratting me out. I got suspended. I thought we were cool man… My parents are  _so_  pissed."

"Sebastian - " He can't do this, not talk and remain civil. He's tempted just to hang up on him except knows that will just irritate Sebastian further and he'll continue ringing back. He could turn his phone off, except Sebastian sounds pissed enough to probably drive to his place to vent his anger at him. It should be in reverse. He should be the one venting at Sebastian. This is all  _his_  fault.

"Yeah. What's the deal man? What'd you spill for?"

"You  _drugged_  me. You spiked my drinks." His voice cracks, because he feels like an idiot, trusting Sebastian. He's not a stranger, but he's not exactly a close friend. Especially now. He can feel his temper twisting inside him, building up like a tsunami.

"Fuck. You're crying over  _that_?"

The words flood out of him then.

"Excuse me if I don't shed fucking tears over poor little Sebastian getting suspended. You want to know why I'm  _upset_? Because while drugged I tried to rape Kurt, so you can just -"

"Wait. What? Really? That's intense..."

" _Intense_? Fuck  _you_  Sebastian."

He hangs up on him. He doesn't normally swear, doesn't like the feel or sentiment of the words in his mouth. Right now though he's so  _angry_  at the world, at Sebastian in particular, that he wants to scream that one word over and over again at the top of his lungs. And punch things repeatedly. Preferably things with Sebastian's face taped to it. He storms through the house, slams his bedroom door so hard it bounces and he can't bring himself to care about any of it. He stomps into the kitchen to find his mom staring at her phone with an equal look of distaste. He wants to ask what's wrong, but fully expects his head to be bitten off. She'll tell him if it's important, or if it pertains to him.

"A week. All they found were prescription drugs, not his, but nothing illegal. A weeks suspension."

 _Huh_. She's pissed at Sebastian too. Or at Dalton's decision. Both maybe? He shrugs, his anger draining away as quickly as it had appeared. He can't bring himself to care. Not about Sebastian anyway. It's not going to change anything. He wishes he could go back in time and change everything that night. Pay more attention to Kurt, not drink anything but water so that any odd taste would be more easily recognizable, not try and continually impress Sebastian.

His mom is talking, telling him Sebastian gave him something called a triple-v cocktail, a mixture of Vicodin, Valium and Viagra. Drugs Sebastian had apparently obtained from home and stashed away, but were found in a raid on his room. They raid early, before dawn, when everyone is still asleep so no one knows what's going on, except everyone knows by breakfast anyway. He's never been raided before. Never needed to be, because up until a week ago he was a model student, regardless of the school he was attending. Now his attendance record will be in pieces, and if he transfers away from McKinley it will be to his fourth high school in as many years.

He feels depressed by the thoughts, but reminds himself that he deserves it. He needs to be out of Kurt's life, and removing himself from McKinley is the first step in that process.


	14. Dave

He feels slightly disorientated. His daily routine completely thrown by Blaine turning up at his school. He'd listened as Kurt broke down again, watched as Hudson's and Blaine's moms enveloped Kurt in their arms while he felt completely useless. He knows exactly what happened now, Kurt detailing it with precision in a detached voice, and he feels like finding Sebastian and punching him, because he knows Blaine isn't alright and he'd feel bad for punching him. Sebastian not so much.

When he'd turned up back at his house with Blaine's mom in tow things had kind of become a bit awkward. Claire had talked like everything was normal, inviting Blaine's mom in for coffee, and she'd cooed over Lily and Adam. That's left him with Blaine, making an awkward situation even more awkward by adding conversation. Blaine keeps looking at him like he wants to say something, except he doesn't want to talk.  _Erg_. He's going to have to  _talk_. And worse,  _listen._

"Thanks… for uh, this afternoon," Blaine finally manages to say, quietly in deference to his mom being  _right there_. He shrugs. He didn't do it for Blaine, he did it because it was the right thing to do. "And, um, I'm glad you were there…for Kurt."

It hits him then that Blaine still thinks the worst, and while he's warring with himself to do  _another_  right thing and  _tell him,_  he can't. Not here, not now, not with his baby brother and sister not even a few feet away. He knows Blaine's mom will tell him, so he'll know soon enough, and he knows it isn't nice but he feels a perverse kind of pleasure in the idiot stewing in his own juices for a while.

"I'm glad I was there too. I don't know what he would've done if I hadn't showed up…" It's true. He has no idea what Kurt would've done. The Kurt he has built up in his mind, the one he's pretty sure is completely imaginary, not to mention unrealistic? Well, that Kurt is so strong he would've got into the car and driven himself home and likely left Blaine to freeze to death in the car. The mental image has him smiling although he's pretty sure that no version of Kurt would do that.

Blaine and his mom leave, and he's offered his help to bathe Lily and Adam. He normally stays away, because he ends up just as wet as them, his clothes soaked through, but he needs a distraction. Making sure you don't accidentally drown a baby is a pretty good distraction as they go. Of course Claire has other ideas.

"Your friend was nice…" He rolls his eyes.

"He's  _not_  a friend."

"Oh? Something  _more_  then?" She says it cheekily, but his eyes shoot wide open and he shakes his head emphatically.

"Fuck no!" Looks down at Lily and Adam. Oops. "Shit… sorry."

"Hmm. If one of their first words is a curse word I fully expect you to become my accomplice and lie about it for the rest of their lives."

"Yeah, yeah… deal."

"That was a very ah… definite response. He's pretty um… open about his sexuality."

He snorts. If she thinks that about Blaine dressed how he was today he'd love to know what she thinks of him dressed in full-on gay-apparel.

"I don't like him. Especially now. He just… did dad tell you that I've been going to a gay bar?"

Claire looks delightedly intrigued, face splitting in a wide smile.

" _No_. I'm not sure if I should be disapproving as a parent or give you a high five…"

He laughs out loud, because this is why he likes her, she's so upfront with how she feels and doesn't hold anything back. There's no agenda with her. He fills her in on his previous Saturday night, and she's watching him transfixed, eyes flicking to the bath and then back to his face. He finishes up with a shrug and splashes the water for Adam, getting a delighted high-pitched squeal and splashing in response.

"Not even eighteen and so much drama already… but, you're a good boy Dave…"

"Gee, thanks Claire. That makes me feel like I'm ten…"

"Ah, you kids these days want to grow up too fast…"

"You can stop being so condescending. I get it. I did good."

"Yeah, you did."

The next morning he leaves for school a bit earlier. He wants to avoid sneak attacks of the Honey variety and he still needs to figure out what he's going to do about tomorrow night. He can't see her when he pulls up. But that means nothing, he hadn't seen her yesterday either. He spies Nathan and waves, gets a small wave in response and for the first time he walks over to meet him at his car, bag slung over his shoulder.

"Hey man…"

"Hey. You going to walk beside me today huh?"

"Well, it's earlier. Less people you know?"

"Oh right. Sure. That's kind of what I was hoping for too. You haven't spied uh… _Honey_  have you?"

"Ha. No. She normally gets a ride with another cheerleader. And she's normally late. Yesterday was an anomaly. You really don't like her huh?"

"I'm sure she's a really nice girl… or not. I don't know. Anyway, I really don't want a girlfriend. It's… complicated. And I  _told_  her I didn't want a girlfriend but she…"

"Seems pretty freaking persistent?"

"Yeah."

"You could always tell her you're gay."

He stops in his tracks. Freezes. He knows it's not written on his forehead, but it doesn't stop the old fear course through him. Even though he knows it wouldn't be the end of the world he's still not ready for everyone to know. To come out at school. It's his biggest fear.

"W– what do you mean?"

"You know, some guy doesn't want to date a girl so he tells her he's gay to let her down easy…"

"But that's… lying?" Except it  _wouldn't_  be. He'd be telling her the  _truth_. And okay… there's heaps of potential for this to fail on multiple levels, but she seems to like him enough that she might… maybe… go for it. Of course, she might still want to be his friend, but he could live with that, if she knew the truth. That he really is gay. And doesn't want to come out yet. He'll have to see how it goes, if she keeps on being so blatantly persistent.

"Lying? Our society is based on lies man. And going out with her when you don't like her would just be another lie…"

"What are you doing on Friday night?"

"Dude. I said tell her you're gay, not prove it."

"Shut up. She's coming round on Friday to watch a movie and eat pizza. It's meant to be just friends, and she said to invite other friends so…"

"Oh. Yeah. Sure. That's cool. Thanks."

It's not until later he realizes that maybe Nathan wasn't just thanking him for the invite, but for calling him a friend.


	15. Kurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Pandora Project exists. The work and support that all groups like this offer is invaluable.

He feels better. Despite not wanting to think about it, or talk about it, he's ended up talking about it almost every day, thinking about it even more, turning it over in his mind. Today has given him a lot to think about. Knowing that Blaine was drugged doesn't excuse his actions, but Blaine's mom was right, it does offer an explanation. While he might not be able to trust Blaine again, he feels a little better about trusting himself. Trusting his own judgment.

It's no surprise to him that Sebastian is a complete asswipe. That Blaine trusted him and the drinks, well  _he_  trusted the drinks Sebastian brought him as well. Clearly they're both too naïve and trusting for their own good and Sebastian can't see past his own nose. His mind skitters over what could have happened if Sebastian had drugged him as well, or if he'd even taken a sip of Blaine's drink… it could have been so much worse. It doesn't make him feel any better, but it does offer a form of solace. Knowing his instincts about Sebastian were spot on make him feel… good. Still angry with himself for not only trusting him around drinks, but trusting him around Blaine.

Blaine's mom had surprised him. He'd kind of expected her to come in guns blazing and tell him her darling little boy couldn't do any wrong. However she'd seemed almost as upset as him, and he'd felt everything he was feeling was validated, when he'd told her it technically wasn't rape. Warm arms around him and her quiet words ' _It doesn't matter if it was technically rape or not, unwanted sexual attention is still harassment, and this was physical sexual attention so it's assault.'_

She'd gone on to tell him to feel as angry and as upset as he wanted and needed and no one would blame him. He'd felt for a second that maybe she was fighting fires, trying to calm him down so he won't lay a formal charge, although without actual penetration he knows he'd just get laughed at, which is just another thing that makes him angry.

When she'd pulled him aside, away from David and Carol, just before she'd left, she'd taken his hands, grasped them firmly.  _'I…this…talk to a support group. Go online and be anonymous if you need to. But talk to other people this has happened to. Trust me. It helps.'_ The look in her eyes, the intensity and shimmer of new tears, he'd understood. He's not alone. Hundreds of people go through this and worse and get through it. He's strong and he  _will_  pull himself through this.

It doesn't take him very long before he finds it: The Pandora Project. He signs in and spends quite a while reading other's stories. He then types out his own. It feels tame in comparison to some of the things he's just read, but he knows what he's dealing with is similar to some of the other experiences. It feels good to have it out and he's already received responses, welcoming him to the group, messages telling him he's brave for coming forward and sharing his story, reassurances that there are people there he can talk to. It's made him feel a bit more calm, centered, not so alone.

He's warned that there will be bad moments. Bad days even, when he won't want to venture out. Or moments when he has panic attacks. There's talk of coping techniques, and he reads and re-reads. Some of the information and advice is contradictory, but the underlying thing is to do what is right for him. There is no one correct way, and that sometimes there will be slips backward when all he wants is to jump forward. He can deal with that. He hopes.

When he heads in to school the next day he doesn't actively try and avoid Blaine. He isn't going to seek him out, but he's not going to run from him. Rachel corners him and accuses him of jumping trip and having loose loyalties. He can't bring himself to care, just shrugs, tells her that he and Blaine have broken up and he's not singing with them anymore. He'd left her gaping at him, looking hurt, but he's still a bit peeved that someone he considers a close friend hasn't realized that something is up with him. He's still not wearing what he'd consider his  _normal_  attire, but this morning he'd accessorized with a scarf and pin, although over a plain shirt it looks  _odd_. He might go home at lunch and change. Or at least grab a jacket that would work. When it gets to lunch Mercedes grabs his arm, so leaving isn't even an option, and the worried looks are part of the reason why he didn't want to tell anyone. Too late for that regret though. He rolls his eyes at her and she smiles, not her usual wide cheerful smile, but a small tight smile that tells him she'll play along for now, although he expects questions later.

They end up in the same small corner of the auditorium, this time the band is practicing and it feels lighter with music in the background. It feels almost normal, although Brittany sitting on his feet with her head on his lap is unusual. He doesn't want to break the silence, but knows he needs to stop them before they start.

"Look, I know what happened to me is terrible, but can you guys not be too hard on Blaine?" It feels so wrong to be asking that, but he knows it's the right thing, the mature thing, to do. He doesn't want Blaine feeling even worse. Doesn't want him to hurt himself.

"Too late. I've already put a couple of notes in his locker telling him to keep his eyes open."

"Seriously Santana? Please just let me deal with it okay? I appreciate your support, I really do, but I don't need to demonize Blaine. Sebastian drugged him…"

"So? Doesn't change the fact that he did it," Santana states, scowling.

He lets out a sigh of partial frustration.

"No, it doesn't. But as a wise woman told me, it's not an excuse, but it is an explanation. Also… David found him with a bottle of pills and I don't want -"

"Wait. David? Who's David?" Mercedes asks.

He realizes his mistake immediately. He'd not mentioned Dave when he'd told them originally, wanting to preserve his part, not thinking it important to what actually happened. He'd avoided the whole part about getting home and none of them had asked.

"Dave?" Santana asks, and her eyebrows are drawn down in a frown.

"Yeah. Dave Karofsky. He uh… helped me out. Drove Blaine home, then took me home…"

"What was Karofsky doing at a gay bar?" Mercedes asks.

Oh god. He freezes, stomach churning.  _Damn it._  The one question he didn't want to be asked. He doesn't want to out Dave.  _Can't_  out him, not after everything. He _promised_. Just on Saturday night. He can't think of anything to say.  _Blank_.

"There's a pool hall next door, he would've been there. He's a pretty sharp pool player," Santana offers and Kurt turns to her, and the sudden knowledge that she knows Dave is gay settles over him. Other things start falling in to place. Them dating. Bullywhips. Prom. He blinks and then nods, eyes meeting hers.

"Yeah, I don't know where he came from, but yeah, there is a pool hall." A pool hall he's pretty sure closes at midnight, but he doesn't need to say that out loud. Santana is smiling slightly, and a little twitch of her eyebrows confirms it for him. Huh.  _Interesting_. Mercedes is more interested in hearing about the pills than Dave's real reasons for being at the bar.

He outlines the brief meeting up between Dave and Blaine yesterday, what little he knows, and while none of them look particularly moved by his story he at least gets them to agree to leave Blaine alone. It's the best he can hope for and he doesn't want Blaine ostracized, not at McKinley and not knowing what Blaine had gone through at his previous school. Before Dalton.

When it gets to the end of the school day and he still hasn't seen Blaine he has to assume he simply didn't come to school today. He still knows the combination to Blaine's locker, and he unlocks it, determined to remove whatever notes Santana left for him. When a landslide falls out and land scattered around his feet he sighs. A couple of notes.  _Right_.


	16. Blaine

His mom doesn't expect him to go to school today either, but he's starting to get really restless, especially as he doesn't know what's going to happen now. He doesn't want to go to McKinley, because he'll see Kurt, and he knows he'll probably break down and cry next time he sees him, and he doubts very much that Kurt wants to see him anyway. But he doesn't want to go back to Dalton, because he's going to want to punch Sebastian in the face, which will probably only get him expelled and a sore hand.

He picks up his laptop. He might as well do homework that he'll probably never hand in, but it will give him something to do. Of course once his computer loads up he opens his e-mail and there're past messages from Kurt. Making plans to meet each other for coffee. Discussing clothes. Cheesy notes. He can feel the tears threatening and lets them start, trickling down his cheeks. It's gone now, and while it's not completely his fault he's still the perpetrator.

He wastes a good two hours online, trying to distract himself. He wonders whether he can become a shut-in, just finish his education online and never leave his house again. The idea is so tempting. To not have to face the world again, and he knows it would be completely doable. He starts plotting it out in his mind, online grocery shopping with delivery, going through possible jobs he could do from home without ever having to see anyone ever again.

"Blaine?"

He jumps, startled. Of course, there would be some obstacles to becoming a hermit. He knows his mom would never allow it.

"Yeah?"

"I've booked an appointment for you for Monday to see a therapist –"

"Mom, I don't need to see a therapist…"

"Blaine, honey… you do. I know how bad you feel, about what's happened between you and Kurt, and how difficult it must be to get your head around, because I _know_  you Blaine, if you had any ounce of control or awareness you would have stopped. If I didn't believe that with all of my heart I wouldn't be here right now talking to you… There are things which you won't have even considered yet, which you need to think about and talk through. I am not the right person for you to talk to."

"Why not? You know I'd rather talk to you than some stranger…"

"Blaine, I've been where Kurt is right now. I can't be objective in this…"

"What… what do you mean?"

He sits in shocked silence, feeling worse every second that she talks, tells him. Things are falling, slotting in to place.  _Oh god_. He feels sick, and all her previous talks to him and Cooper, about no meaning no, and respect and…  _oh god._  He ends up crying again, but his arms are around his mom, and she's crying as well, and it feels cathartic. They're quiet for a bit before she draws back, face blotchy. He can't ever remember his mom crying before.

"I don't believe Kurt hates you Blaine. He might not like you. He might never forgive you or trust you again. And he definitely hates what has happened… but… I don't believe he truly hates you. Although I think he wants to, because that would be easier… for him."

He huffs in disbelief. She hadn't seen Kurt, the way he yelled at him. The way Kurt has removed him from his life, blocking all avenues of contact.

"I'm pretty sure he hates me."

"Mmm. Maybe. I would put my money on him hating you because you remind him of what happened. And there  _is_  a difference Blaine. You are not solely defined by what happened. One stupid choice does not make you a stupid person. It makes you human. You are defined by how you choose to deal with it. Have you had any thoughts about that?"

"No. Uh. Not really. I mean… I want to do whatever's best for Kurt, but I don't want to go back to Dalton. Not with Sebastian there."

"Well, I wouldn't let you go back to Dalton anyway. Just think about it okay? We have the weekend to talk about it. Brainstorm. Okay?"

He nods quietly in agreement. He's always considered his mom to be a pretty amazing person, but now he can't help but be even more in awe of the woman she is. She leaves his room and he sits there quietly for a few minutes before opening a new word document. He starts listing all the high schools, putting them into columns titled ' _Possible' 'Questionable'_ and ' _Definitely not'_. There are only two schools under the last one, Dalton and McKinley. He puts a little star beside Carmel High, because knowing at least one person would be nice, although he doubts Karofsky would even acknowledge his presence.

He's scanning through all the high school websites when he notices the little message informing him he has a new e-mail, and while it's probably nothing exciting it will distract him from having to research high schools for a little bit. When he sees the sender his heart skips and his stomach flips.  _Kurt Hummel_. There's no subject line, just a blank and his hand is shaking as he moves the cursor to double click.

_Blaine,_

_Please don't reply to this, or read into this any more than the fact that it is an impersonal and impartial note to you, from me. As much as I can be impersonal and impartial in these circumstances. I don't blame you. I accepted drinks from Sebastian as well. We were both equally trusting, which has been both our downfalls._

_So while I do not blame you, I cannot bring myself to forgive and forget either. I can accept that you were not yourself, but I know that I won't be able to be around you, especially alone, for a long while yet. If ever. I hope you can understand and accept that and will try to ensure that I don't end up alone with you. Don't worry, I'll be working to ensure the same thing._

_While I do not want to spend time with you neither do I need you to transfer away from McKinley. I am trying to be mature about this, and I do not believe that running is going to help either of us in this case. I don't want to be afraid, but I worry that if you do transfer then I might build you up as a monster in my mind. And I know you are no monster._

_Regards,_

_K. Hummel_

He bites his lips at the impersonal signature, but it is more than he could have hoped for. He highlights ' _McKinley'_  and moves it into the ' _Possible'_  column.


	17. Dave

He's failed. Completely and utterly. He's come out to Honey and she's just patted him on the cheek, murmured 'S _ure you are'_  and walked off, calling out that she'll see him tonight. He doesn't get it. It's not like he goes around telling people he's gay for the fun of it, like it's some big joke. He's never had someone not believe him before. Not that he's told that many people, like,  _two_ , but still… he feels confused for the remainder of the morning. He doesn't know what's going to happen tonight, but he's going to try and ensure he's  _never_  alone with Honey.

He's invited Terence from the hockey and football teams, because he's the one whom he's friendliest with, and the only one who has never given him any shit about his lunchtime routine. He's also invited Mickey from the drama club, and his girlfriend because she's in the math and chess club. He's left it at that. Five people. None of whom would normally even talk to each other except for the fact that they all seem to like hanging out with him at lunch time.

He's heading to his car when he hears Nathan call out to him. The guy is getting out of his car where he's obviously been waiting for him. He waits for him to come over, not really intent on yelling his evening plans across the school parking lot.

"Hey man… we still cool for tonight?"

"Yeah. Yeah sure. Hey… you know how yesterday you told me to tell Honey I was gay?" Dave asks quietly, eyes darting around, but no one is paying them any attention and no one is close enough to hear them.

"Hey, I joked. I didn't mean it seriously…" Something must register about the expression on his face. "Dude, you told her you're gay? That's fucking hilarious."

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up…except she didn't believe me," he takes a deep breath "and it's actually true." He lets out the remainder of the breath and concentrates on not freaking out.

Nathan bursts out laughing, is laughing so hard his face goes red and Dave is pretty sure there are tears leaking out the side of his eyes. Obviously today is unexpected responses to his sexuality day or something. He waits for Nathan to calm down, which he does in gasping amused sobs.

"Dude, sorry, but… you couldn't make this shit up. I mean, you told her the  _truth?_  If she has her head buried then it's her own fault."

"Uh. You're fine with me…"  _Being gay?_  He still can't say the words completely freely.

"Being gay?" Nathan says the words easily, shrugging, like he doesn't really get the question. "Dude, I don't care."

"Oh. Cool. You're just…"

"I get that you're not out, and I don't blame you. You could date Honey just as a cover you know."

"Been there, not doing it again. Thanks for being cool about it… I've only told four people."

"Wow. Serious? Who else?" He seems pleased to be included in the four, so at least something good is coming out of this whole Honey-saga.

"My dad, step-mom and Honey… and I don't know if I should count Honey."

He rolls his eyes and Nathan starts cackling again and he punches him lightly on the shoulder, which only seems to make him laugh harder.

"So only three people know and actually  _believe_  you're gay?"

"Uh… there're more that know. Uh… like…" he counts them quickly in his head. Kurt. Blaine. Santana. Burt Hummel. Hudson's mom. Blaine's parents. Probably all the other regular patrons in Scandals. Holy shit, it's actually quite a lot. His chest feels tight at the thought, that he's teetering between closeted and completely out. _Oh god_.

"Dude, you look like you're about to pass out… head between your knees or something."

He takes a deep breath, holds it in for five and exhales slowly. Repeats. He's fine. He'll be fine. He has a few months left of school and then… college. University. He'll be out of Lima. He can make it through the next few months. Nathan's looking a bit concerned so he waves a hand, indicating he's fine, although judging from the look on Nathan's face he looks anything but fine.

"Just… realizing a lot more people know than I'd thought. But… they know because they guessed, or it was implied or… yeah. It's complicated."

"Dude. I'm getting the feeling everything is complicated with you. I'll see you tonight yeah?"

"Yeah, sure. See you later."

He's positioned himself so that he's in a single chair, ostensibly so he's closest to the door and kitchen so he can play host. Honey had been a put out when she'd arrived to find Nathan and Terrence already in attendance, discussing the merits of different first person shooter games. Mickey and Kara had arrived only a few minutes after, and weirdly everyone seems to be getting on. Except Honey. Although Dave's pretty sure she's deliberately paying more attention to Terence in an attempt to make him jealous. Cause  _that's_  going to work.

They've finished the pizza, Claire coming in and clearing the boxes and failing at subtlety while trying to check out Honey. He'd rolled his eyes and Nathan had snorted soda up his nose. He'd introduced Claire to everyone, pausing the movie to do so, and when she'd gone and the movie had resumed Nathan had leant over and in a stage whisper asked  _'dude, that's your stepmom?'_  He'd shoved him away, but Terence has huffed in amusement as well. He didn't even need to look at Honey to tell she isn't impressed. He'd ignored her.

They're watching the credits roll when he hears the doorbell ring and when everyone looks at him expectantly he just shrugs. He's not expecting anyone else, and he hears someone go to the front door, hears his dad greet someone and tell whoever it is that he's in the lounge. A female voice calls out thanks, and doesn't ask for directions, and he's pretty sure he knows exactly who it is.

"You're having a movie night and didn't invite me? Tsk tsk tsk…" Santana greets, and slides herself onto his lap. Nathan's eyebrows have shot up under his fringe, and even Terence is looking intrigued. "Aren't you going to introduce me?" He looks around the others and has no idea where to start, mind completely blank. Santana huffs and pokes him in the chest.

"Fine. I'll introduce myself. I'm David's…ex-girlfriend. Santana. He was so heart broken when we broke up that he just had to transfer…"

Dave rolls his eyes, and Terence is looking highly skeptical. Honey however has suddenly lit up, like the world suddenly makes sense and he groans internally. Nathan looks like he's about to hurt himself from not laughing aloud and has suddenly taken a deep interest in the light fittings.

"Anyway Davey, I need to talk to you… privately.  _Please_."

The last word is low and seductive, and she's laying it on a bit thick, even for her. He goes to stand, expecting her to move, and instead she loops her hands around his neck. He slides his arms around her and lifts, carrying her out and she waves at the others and smiles one of her saccharine-sweet smiles that he knows can be laced with poison. He puts her on the ground as soon as they're in the hall and takes her through to the kitchen and out on to the back porch. The cold will ensure this is a quick conversation.

"Seriously San? Was that really necessary?"

"They way you're being eyed up by little miss Barbie doll in there?  _Yes_. Still hanging out in the wardrobe section of Ikea hmm?"

"You're one to talk. I've told my dad. And Claire. And one of my friends. And the Barbie doll actually, but she didn't believe me. And she's definitely not going to believe me  _now_  is she?"

Santana has the grace to look a bit abashed, then she's hugging him tightly, telling him how great it is and it all becomes a bit garbled but he gets enough to know that she's happy for him. He shrugs like it's no big deal, although it  _is_  a massive deal to him. She tells him her reason for coming around, that Kurt has told them what happened, that Dave was there for Kurt means something. And also that Kurt's worried about outing him, so wanted her to check on him, tell him that he was actually at the pool hall that night if anyone asks.

He's kind of touched that with everything Kurt is dealing with he's spared a thought for him and his possible debut, but Kurt really doesn't have to worry about him. He tells Santana so, tells her that if she wants she can tell Brittany and Mercedes. Means she and Kurt don't have to lie to their friends, and he's over his mini panic from earlier. He gets another hug for his words and then Santana is off, arm waving as she runs around the side of the house. He goes back inside slowly, still a bit bemused by the whole encounter. He heads back into the lounge for the second movie to find Honey standing in the hallway, jacket hanging over her arm, clearly ready to leave early.

"It's okay Dave, I know the real reason you can't date me." Dave stares at her, because he can't wait to hear her tell him why. Because he knows it's not going to be because he's gay. "I can tell you aren't over Santana. That's fine. I can wait." He blinks and scratches his neck. She's going to be waiting a  _long_  time.

"Uh…" He's not sure of the etiquette of pointing out someone else's sexuality, so he keeps quiet about Santana's , and he'd put money on everyone in the lounge being able to hear them. "Yeah. Look, I know you don't believe me… but uh… Santana has ruined me for all other women. No one will ever measure up to her."

Honey looks sad and strokes his cheek again, before telling him she'll see him at school on Monday. He watches her leave and then turns to find Nathan beside him.

"Dude, I'm so glad we're friends. You're life is more drama filled than my aunt's soap operas. Except your life has a lot more hot chicks in it…" He rubs his face with his hands, but has to silently agree.


	18. Kurt

He's made it through the week at school. Every day has gotten progressively better, and he knows it might partially be due to the lack of Blaine's presence, but he's starting to feel a bit more rational. Blaine transferred to McKinley to be with him, and now… he's cut Blaine from his life. And he refuses to feel guilty for that, but at the same time he doesn't want Blaine's life ruined. However transferring schools for a third time doesn't look good on anyone's academic record. Even though he has no e-mails to or from Blaine and has deleted his contact information when he starts typing in the address-field it auto-fills with Blaine's e-mail address. Gone but not forgotten. He types formally and quickly, wanting it done and out of the way, trying to strike the right chord so that it's matter-of-fact, doesn't give Blaine any false hope or an opening for dialogue. He's not ready to talk to him.

There's an impromptu girl's night at Mercedes' tonight, after the obligatory family dinner that Rachel is attending. She's frosty toward him, clearly not having forgiven him for forgoing Glee club and joining in the TroubleTones this week. He's not sure what to do about that really, but it's a worry for another day, because in the scheme of things she really doesn't matter to him right now.

The people that know and are helping him deal with this are the people that matter, although he likes that Finn  _doesn't_  know and is just treating him as normal. Earlier today he'd been reminded of the fact that he screamed at Blaine in the hallway at school when Puck eyed him with furrowed brows and what he can only assume was concern. His dad, Carole, Santana, Mercedes are his immediate little support group, and talking it out on Wednesday with Blaine's mom has helped, along with the complete lack of judgment from both her and David.

 _David_. His worry from yesterday that he'd maybe unintentionally outed him comes back, and he's pretty sure that he and Santana managed to cover it up pretty well, but he kind of wants to warn Dave just in case any rumors start and end up at Carmel, although he doubts very much that anyone that knows would actually say anything, especially about his part in the whole fiasco.

"You have worry lines. You'll be wrinkled before you're twenty…"

"I do  _not_  have worry lines!" Kurt exclaims, although he's pretty sure his skin has taken a battering this week.

"What're you thinking about?" Santana asks, and she keeps her voice quiet, head bowed. He's pretty sure she thinks he's being all pensive about Blaine, when it's really not the case.

"David. Just that… maybe I should tell him he was at the pool hall on Saturday."

Santana turns her head to study him, and then nods decisively, grinning and rubbing her hands together.

"You know, that's not a bad idea. And I have a little message for him myself."

Before he can even blink Santana has grabbed her bag and left.  _Oh shit_. Mercedes has her mouth open, just about to ask where she's gone and he rolls his eyes and shrugs, trying to give the impression that he clearly thinks Santana is crazy. Oh god, he hopes she doesn't do something stupid. He ends up helping Mercedes with her nail art kit, stretching decorative decals over each nail carefully to give the impression of lacy fabric but his mind is on wherever Santana has gone. She clearly knows where Dave lives, and she probably has his phone number as well.

They've started on Brittany's nails, making them pale blue and painting little clouds on and tiny rainbows on each one when Santana eventually returns, and if it weren't for the fact that she's grinning from ear to ear he'd swear that she's been crying. She flings herself onto the floor and Mercedes slaps her leg when she nearly knocks over some of the tiny bottles.

"I have gossip. Big, juicy, you can't tell anyone outside this room, gossip," she looks to Kurt and his eyes widen.  _Hell no_. She's not going to tell them about Dave. She  _can't_. He's shaking his head violently, eyes flashing, but she just smiles sweetly and continues. "Dave wasn't at the pool hall on Saturday night. He was at the gay bar. Because he's gay." His heart is racing, he can't believe that Santana is outing Dave to Mercedes and Brittany. He's about to rip her head off, words already half-formed in his mouth.

"Cool your jets Kurt. He told me it was okay to tell them."

"Wait, Karofsky's gay… and you already knew?" Mercedes asks, turning to him, and he bites his lip and scrunches up his face and shrugs, unsure what to say. She doesn't look impressed, and she's going to be even less impressed when he actually tells her how long he's known exactly.

"Of course he knew. He saw Dave in the bar…"

"Um. I actually became aware of David's sexual orientation about this time last year. Before I transferred." Santana looks surprised, but he's not going into the whole stolen kiss, because the mood they've all been in all week they're likely to lynch mob both David and Blaine together, despite David turning over a new leaf. "I couldn't tell anyone. Didn't want to out him. It's his journey."

"One he's taking at superfast speed. He told me that he's come out to his parents, and one of his friends, so… yeah. I'm kind of proud of the big brute…" she smiles and looks away, clearly embarrassed to be showing her softer side.

He'd forgotten about Dave's e-mail. About how he came out to his dad on Sunday, and he feels a welling up of pride and suddenly Santana's tears make a bit more sense. He lowers his head and grins. Mercedes is asking questions, putting the same things together that he'd put together yesterday and when Santana tells them it was because Dave had been admiring Sam's ass that she clued up Mercedes cackles and adds ' _it is definitely a fine piece of ass'_  and they all collapse into giggles. It feels good.

The next evening he's decided. He's been thinking about it all day, and he knows if he doesn't go and do it now he's going to chicken out. He wants to see David. Talk to him and congratulate him on coming out. To have a normal conversation. He texts Santana and asks for Dave's address. If she refuses to give it to him he'll just use the phonebook but she sends it to him within a couple of minutes. He picks up his jacket and goes to find his dad.

"Hey dad, I'm just going to go and visit David. That okay?"

"You okay going to visit him?"

"Yeah. If I feel uncomfortable I'll just leave. He came out to his dad on Sunday. I want to congratulate him. It's a big step." Weird as it is, he feels pretty safe around Dave. He doesn't know if it's because of the residual Bullywhips days, or because Dave had been cool, calm and collected last Saturday night and had helped him when he was at his most vulnerable.

"So the kid's definitely gay then?"

"Yep. Uh… his bullying was kind of rooted in that. I knew and he was scared I was going to out him… he's changed."

"I figured that much out for myself when he brought you home. Okay, just write his address and what time to expect you home on the fridge. If you aren't home by that time I'm gonna come get you okay?"

"Yeah, sure thing dad. I'll call you if my plans change though."

He sits in his car outside a nice-looking two storey house with a tidy garden. He's opened and closed his door five times already, and he feels ridiculously nervous, and he has no idea why. It's only David. Inhaling deeply he throws open his door again and swings his legs out, closes the door and locks the doors and forces himself up onto the porch.

He rings the bell.


	19. Blaine

He keeps it to himself for a little while, holding this last tiny little piece of Kurt to himself before he shows it to his mom on Saturday night. She hugs him tight, kisses the top of his head and asks him if he really wants to go back to McKinley. He nods silently. If Kurt can deal with him there, is strong enough and brave enough, then he can be nothing less. And as selfish as it seems, he wants to see Kurt, see that he is okay. He won't be able to hold his hand or kiss him or probably even smile at him, but he'll be able to tell if Kurt is okay.

He spends all of Sunday doing homework. Catching up on readings and assignments, throwing himself in to his school work. Now that he knows he's going to remain at McKinley he's going to make the most of it. He's smart, managed to get into a couple of AP classes due to the accelerated level of learning at Dalton, and he's going to focus on that and glee club. He freezes, suddenly sick to his stomach all over again. He  _can't_  give up glee club. Not that and Kurt as well. He really wants to e-mail Kurt and ask but he wants to respect the boundaries Kurt's put in place.

He knows he needs music. It's one of his ways of coping, but… surely Kurt would have said something if he expected Blaine to give up glee club? Maybe  _Kurt_  was going to give up glee club? He  _hates_  that idea; Kurt has a beautiful voice, and loves singing just as much as he does. He doesn't know what to think and he supposes he's just going to have to wait and see. Then he realizes something else, something he hadn't considered before either, and that's how the rest of the club will react when they find out.  _Oh god_. He knows that Kurt hadn't told anyone last week, but he doubts that's true now, and Kurt screaming at him in the hallway means that the entire school probably knows. It's going to be hell tomorrow.

The therapy appointment he doesn't really want or believes he needs is first thing Monday morning. It means a morning of missed school, and he doesn't say much, giving the bare amount of information. The counselor talks about trust and growth and emotions. That he's allowed to feel angry. And guilty. Everything he's been feeling has been normal. He  _knows_  all this already, he's not an idiot, but there's one thing she said that continues to repeat over in his head ' _You need to grieve. The main thing you need to grieve for is your relationship with your boyfriend that's now over._ ' He hadn't thought of it like that before, but realizes that's what he's upset the most about, after hurting Kurt, is that his first relationship is over, and in such a way that it has tarnished whatever good there was.

When he gets to school he goes straight to class. He's still a bit worried about what Kurt has told everyone. No one's coming at him with knives from the cafeteria so that's something at least. He gets the evils from Santana, but that's normal, although she does look slightly more intimidating than normal he could be imagining it, and he feels a bit paranoid.

He's on his way to his next class when he sees him, back turned, and as always he looks stunning. He can't really remember what Kurt was wearing last week when they'd had their confrontation in the hallway, but this Kurt seems more balanced. He's wearing tight dark-blue jeans that almost appear black but he knows Kurt would never wear the striped blue shirt with black pants. He's accessorized with a sky-blue scarf that he knows will just make Kurt's eyes pop, and his hair is carefully styled to look carelessly messy.  _Gorgeous_.

When Kurt turns around he has his arm looped through Mercedes, and his head is tilted toward her, and she's laughing at something he's said. He's smiling, looking… _happy_ , and it's almost physically painful. Kurt catches him looking and the smile drops from his face instantly and that  _is_  physically painful, like a kick to the chest, and more hurtful than any words Kurt could have said. Kurt nods at him, lips tight, and then puts his shoulders back and Blaine can see him take a deep breath in. He smiles a small tiny smile and nods back, and he has to smile because he feels like crying again, but if Kurt can pull himself through this then he can too. He'll be okay.

He'll be okay.


	20. Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rinn and Gaia, this is for you two. Enjoy.

He can't believe his Saturday night has been relegated to this. Helping Claire bathe Lily and Adam again. Twice in a week, it's a record. It's like trying wrestle an oily octopus that you don't want to strangle, and he's on his way from their nursery to the bathroom when the doorbell rings. He bites back a curse word, because impressionable young minds and all and Claire calls out asking him to answer it. He sighs. At least with a naked baby in his arms he can tell whoever it is to shove off easily enough.

He thuds down the stairs, arms holding on to Adam tightly as he giggles madly at the jiggling. His dad has gone to the grocery store for the weeks groceries, which is why he volunteered to help. He would have offered to do the shopping, but he always brings back the wrong things and either his dad or Claire has to do it again anyway. He pulls the door, ready to tell whoever it is that they're busy and he freezes. Kurt Hummel is standing on his front porch.

"Hi," Kurt says, and he looks a little embarrassed and a lot shocked.

"Kurt. Uh… hi."

"You're holding a baby," Kurt states, looking from Adam to him and then back to Adam.

"Uh. Yeah. He's not mine."

Kurt raises his eyebrows and Dave winces. Of course Kurt knows Adam isn't his.  _Idiot._

"What are you doing here?"

"I was just wondering if we could maybe talk, but I can see you've got your hands full…"

"Ah yeah, I –" He feels the warmth spread over his side and he pulls a face. Damnit, he should have known that standing in the cold entryway would make him pee. _Everything_  makes him pee. Usually on him. "Gross. Look, come in. Just, uh, follow me. I need to go change."

Kurt hesitates for a brief second before stepping forward and closing the door behind him and he heads for the stairs, taking them two at a time because he doesn't like wearing a shirt soaked in pee. Especially in front of Kurt. Not that Kurt cares. Well, it's pee. He probably  _does_  care.

"Did he just pee on you?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately. It's better than vomit though…" He replies absently, and he knows Kurt has to be pulling a face right now, but he has a mild form of word vomit, completely caught off guard that Kurt's  _turned up at his house_. He's kind of freaking out a little bit that he needs to go in to his room and get a clean shirt. Oh fuck. Kurt's going to see his room.

"Ew. That's disgusting."

"Yeah. Comes off fine in the shower. Here, can you hold him for a second?" Dave asks, pivoting outside the doorway to his room. Maybe he can distract him with Adam, he'll be too busy holding him to look around.

"What! No! He might pee on me! Or vomit!" Kurt exclaims, hands in the air and backing away from him. He huffs and Adam waves at Kurt, thinking the hands in the air are a wave.

"Dave? Everything okay?"

"Uh, sure Claire. Just a little pee-related emergency."

"Oh, did you wet yourself again?" Claire asks, and then cracks up laughing. Dave groans and rolls his eyes, and when he looks up Kurt has both lips caught between his teeth, but he can tell Kurt's trying his best not to laugh. He walks into his room and quickly grabs a clean dry t-shirt from a drawer. He can change in the bathroom or something. Kurt's thankfully stayed in the hallway and he motions with his head for him to follow him again. He pushes open the door to the bathroom and Lily starts splashing excitedly, Claire kneeling on the floor beside the edge.

"Uh, Claire, this is Kurt. Kurt, this is my step-mom Claire…"

He's never seen Claire's head whip around so fast and he hopes she'll be cool. She is most of the time, all of the time really, but he never knows when she might say something incriminating, or pull the whole  _I-am-a-sort-of-parent-figure-and-therefore-it-is-my-right-to-embarrass-you-as-much-as-possible._

"Oh. Hello Kurt. I didn't realize it was actually someone nice at the door… this is Lily. And I can see you've already met Adam."

"Yes. It's nice to meet you. All of you…"

"Here," Dave says, dropping Adam into the water and making sure he's sitting up and stable before letting go. "I'm just going to go use your shower if that's cool? We can talk once I'm changed, is that alright?"

"Go, go! Kurt can help me out if I need it," Claire says, and Kurt looks alarmed, and he'd laugh at him if he knew Kurt better, but he just smiles and nods before taking off for the master en suite.

He strips  _fast._ He wouldn't put it past Kurt to bail as soon as the babies are out of the water, but he really wants to know what Kurt is doing here, what he wants to talk about that he couldn't just send by e-mail. Not that he  _minds_  Kurt turning up, but he still hasn't stopped freaking out. He's out of the shower quickly, it's a quick rinse, and he pulls his clothes back on over still slightly-damp skin. He throws the wet t-shirt into the hamper and shakes out his dry shirt and frowns.

It's a couple of years old, slightly too small and tight for his liking and he pulls at the hem around his arm in an attempt to stretch it out. He'd just go and grab another one, but there's no way he's walking around shirtless when Kurt Hummel is in his house. And the idea just seems so foreign. He walks back down to the main bathroom and Kurt is sitting on the floor, hand dangling into the bath and waving a rubber duck in the air for Adam and talking with Claire.

"You want to stay for dinner Kurt?"

"Thanks but I really don't want to impose."

"You wouldn't be, I'll be cooking for Paul and Dave anyway… it would be nice to have you."

"I… if you're sure."

"I wouldn't have asked if I weren't sure."

"Thanks then… I'd like that. I need to call my dad and just let him know that I won't be home until later though…"

"Sure thing. Can you grab two of those towels over there?"

Dave steps forward and grabs the towels, smiling at Kurt and hoping the startled look on his face isn't wholly a bad thing.

"Oh, great. Here. You can take her…just get her dry and a diaper and I'll dress her if you could go and make up the bottles?"

He nods, it's the usual routine. Even he can't muck up formula and water. Kurt stands, wiping his hands on his jeans and he follows Dave and Claire, it's like a human convoy, and he's ridiculously nervous, but at least Claire has given him Lily to dry. She lies there all placid and happy, whereas Adam tries to escape. He can feel Kurt watching him, and he works faster than usual, no blowing raspberries or peek-a-boo games with the towel. He puts a dry and diapered Lily in her cot, which she giggles at and he turns to Kurt.

"Uh, come on, we'll go down to the kitchen."

Kurt nods and follows him, and he feels so awkward. He pulls out the bottles and tin of formula, and Kurt makes himself comfortable on one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Well, firstly I wanted to offer my congratulations on coming out. It's a big step… I would say I'm proud of you but it feels a little trite, not to mention condescending. But I am happy for you… that you've taken that step."

He blinks. It's the last thing he expected. He measures out the water and adds the scoops of powder.

"Uh, thanks. I mean… yeah. Thanks. It's been pretty easy so far. I mean, no one hates me or anything, but I'm being pretty careful."

"That's probably wise. Santana said last night that you'd told a friend as well. Azimio?"

"No. I haven't spoken to Az in a couple of months. I told my friend Nathan. He goes to Carmel."

"Oh…" Conversation grinds to a halt, and he has no idea how they're going to survive through a dinner if they can't last five minutes. "Do you enjoy going to Carmel?"

"Yeah. It's… different for me. I… don't care so much about what people think. Or at least I'm trying not to. Uh… Blaine isn't transferring to Carmel is he?" He doesn't really want to ask the question, to even bring Kurt's boyfriend, ex-boyfriend?, up in conversation, but he really doesn't want someone who used to know his old self to suddenly encroach on his new school life.

"I don't know what Blaine is doing. I have… contacted him and told him that he doesn't have to transfer, but I don't know what he will decide."

Dave stares at him, can't believe what he's just heard.

"Holy shit Kurt… I know you have a massive heart and are more than capable of forgiveness, but seriously? Having to see him every day? Are you going to be okay with that?" He doesn't know if  _he's_  okay with Kurt seeing Blaine everyday. He shakes his head. He's always known Kurt was strong, admired and hated him simultaneously some days for it, but everyone has a limit.

"I don't want to run again…"

Dave's head snaps up and he bows it again, staring at the bench top, and he knows exactly what Kurt is referring to.

"Sometimes running is the only option," Dave mutters, and he's thinking both of Kurt transferring to Dalton and his own transfer to Carmel.

"Sometimes," Kurt murmurs and he shrugs his shoulders. "But I can't run from things for the rest of my life. So… I know some days will be hard, but I am  _hoping_  that they will be outnumbered by the days in which I am fine."

He doesn't know what to say to that so he just nods and starts shaking the bottles.

"Also…I'm here on slightly selfish grounds. I was wondering whether… we could be friends?"

"Uh…" Another thing he hadn't been expecting. At all. "Uh, I don't mean to sound um… rude or anything, but like, we have nothing in common. But if you want to hang out, then we can…" He's rambling again, but he just can't get his head around it, that Kurt wants to be friends. After everything they've been through, everything he's done to Kurt, here he is, asking to be friends.  _With him_.

"I don't expect you to suddenly like Broadway shows, music or fashion, but I also think that we don't know each other well enough to say we have nothing in common. We both love our families."

Dave inclines his head and shrugs, but he can't refute it.

"Are the bottles ready?" Claire calls out, and he checks quickly.

"Yeah, be up in a second!"

"Feeding time?"

"Yeah, they had their dinner before their bath. Mainly because they need a bath after they've eaten…"

"You like talking about them."

"Uh… they're easy to talk about. Neutral ground."

"Cute too."

"You wouldn't say that if you were here at two this morning…" Dave mutters under his breath as he screws teats on and checks the temperature on his wrist. He heads back upstairs and Kurt trails after him. He sets the bottles down on the side table, knowing Claire's going to need help. Adam has to be held, and if he didn't know better he'd think the kid was on crack or something.

"Kurt, do you mind helping? You just have to sit there and hold her; it's just that if you boys feed them then I can go start on dinner…"

"I…sure. I can hold her. Where should I sit?"

Claire directs him to the two-seater sofa and he sits at the other end, which still feels far too close, and he's kind of worried that Kurt might freak out. She's giving directions, which pretty much involve letting Lily hold her own bottle, because of course he gets Adam again. After settling Lily in Kurt's arms, and Lily is so laid back she just reaches up and places a hand on Kurt's cheek, he's given Adam, who promptly squirms and bites him on the chest. He yelps and Claire passes him the bottle quickly before she stands back and grins at them.

"You guys all look adorable. Let me just get a picture…"

He groans, because this is the embarrassing bit coming out, and he mumbles an apology to Kurt under his breath, promising he'll find the picture and delete it, and burn any copies she prints out. Kurt is laughing though, and it sounds good, and he suspects Kurt hasn't done a lot of laughing this past week.

"Right, dinner. If your dad's still not home by the time you put them down can you sing them their lullaby? You know they don't like my voice…"

 _Oh crap._  He nods and a quick glance to his right shows Kurt's eyebrows have risen and he's being watched. Assessed. He's  _not_  singing in front of Kurt. He keeps quiet, making soft shh-ing noises and rocking Adam in an attempt to quiet him. Lily doesn't need it but he hears Kurt doing the same thing and his body moving beside him as he rocks Lily. When Adam is finished he lifts him and puts him down in his cot before turning and taking Lily from Kurt. He picks up the bottles and passes them to Kurt.

"Can you take these down to the kitchen? I'll be down in a sec…"

"Sure."

He breaths a sigh of relief and talks a little under his breath, telling them goodnight, waiting for the door to close. He sings quietly, just in case Kurt is in the hallway listening, which he doubts, but he's feeling a bit paranoid. Adam is asleep before he even gets to the third verse, and Lily is just lying there staring at him, so he finishes and heads down to the kitchen to find an amused looking Claire and a slightly shocked looking Kurt. He has no idea what to think, and with Claire there are no safe bets.

She turns away offers of help and sends him and Kurt into the lounge to talk. Which they actually manage to do, although it's nearly all superficial conversation now, which is fine with him. His dad comes home and looks a little surprised to se Kurt there but treats it as normal, which he's thankful for. Kurt excuses himself to ring his dad briefly and then dinner is ready. It's tortillas, which he realizes is a smart move on Claire's because he has no idea if Kurt is a vegetarian or anything like that. He isn't, and with his dad and Claire there as well conversation flows easily, although he still finds himself doing a double take.

They end up having coffee and talking about Kurt's dads' campaign a bit, and when Kurt leaves he shows him to the door. He watches Kurt drive off and when he closes the door Claire suddenly reappears, stupidly wide grin on her face.

"He's  _cute_ …"

_Oh god._

"Shut  _up_  Claire…"


	21. Kurt

The last thing he'd been expecting last night when he'd gone to David's house was for him to answer the door holding a baby. He'd been a worried that being alone with David would make him anxious, except that feeling had dissipated completely. He's never had much to do with kids, but Dave is clearly a natural, even when getting peed on, a thought which still brings a smile to his face.

Trying to align everything he now knows of Dave is difficult, because his bully of a year ago definitely doesn't exist anymore.  _At all_. He's learnt so much tonight, and not all of it about Dave. When Dave had come back from his quick shower he'd been surprised. He'd never seen Dave in anything but layers before. Baggy layers at that. Definitely not a single white form-fitting t-shirt. He'd noticed large muscular arms, broad chest and shoulders but what had surprised him the most was his own response.

He'd been… interested. Attracted even. Relief had followed swiftly, because the fact that he'd  _felt_  the spark of attraction had told him that he's not lost that part inside himself. He's not suddenly become asexual and completely uninterested which he had worried about in an abstract way. He's not going to go around jumping in to bed with anyone, especially not now… But it's reassuring that when he  _does_  decide to maybe look at dating again he'll not necessarily feel like he's faking interest.

The final surprise of the night had come when he'd entered the kitchen, a bit disappointed that he wasn't going to hear Dave's attempt at singing and Claire had smiled at him, looking mischievous.

"He kicked you out huh?"

"Yes. Um, he asked me to bring you these…" She'd taken the empty bottles from him and continued talking.

"Mmm, he doesn't like other people hearing him sing. Shame really, because he's got a good voice, just like his dad."

"I didn't even know he  _could_  sing…" Kurt had muttered. Claire had  _winked_  at him and then turned a baby monitor on. Dave's voice, slightly distorted, had filled the room, but even taking the distortion into consideration he'd been stunned. She's right, he  _can_  sing, and it's deep and soothing and no wonder it puts the babies to sleep, although he's pretty sure if he was hearing it in person the hair at the back of his neck would be standing on end.  _God_. David Karofsky, full of surprises.

He's helping his dad dismantle an engine. He hates the way the oil stains his skin, and the chemicals he has to use to get it off dry them out, but it's quiet work and he's going through his thoughts, organizing them, and his dad keeps to himself, only occasionally shooting him slightly worried glances. He just smiles at him encouragingly. He's feeling good; of all the things in his life nearly everything is good. His dad is happy and healthy, he has Carole and Finn, and he has  _fantastic_ friends. While he wishes Sebastian had never entered his life he knows he will cope and deal with the bad moments and days as they come.

He dresses for school, wearing the jeans again because he's kind become attached to them after wearing them so much. He consciously forces himself to not sneak around and try and avoid Blaine, but he's thankful when Santana and Brittany turn up, one on either side, and escort him like a guard of honor. He laughs, because he's taller than both of them, although he's pretty sure that the entire school population is slightly afraid of Santana, including most of the teachers.

Classes pass in a blur, he can't really remember most of the material covered last week, so he knows he's going to have to put in some extra time catching up. Mercedes grabs him on the way to their next class and asks him how the rest of his weekend went. He tells her about his visit to Dave's house, about the baby peeing on him. He knows he's got Santana on his side if he decides to develop a friendship with David, but Mercedes will be a harder battle to win, and he's pretty sure he wants to get to know Dave better. She clearly likes the idea of Dave getting peed on, laughing, and he loops an arm through hers, laughing along with her. That's when he sees him and his skin feels instantly clammy and prickly. He breathes slowly, refuses to give in to the urge to move away, instead just draws his lips tight and nods once, sharp, before turning back and heading down the hallway the long way to class.

It's after lunch when he feels a hand grasp his arm firmly and he instinctively pulls on it sharply, not okay with the sudden unexpected invasion of his personal space. Rachel ends up falling against him and he lets out a huff of annoyance.  _Great_.

"Why didn't you tell me you and Blaine had broken up? Do you have any idea how  _hurt_  I am that you didn't tell me yourself? And the fact that you've apparently turned your back on the Glee Club, after our promise to always be there for each other… Finn and I have endured  _many_  difficult times in our relationship but we've still put it all aside for the good of Glee."

He lets her talk, knowing it's his safest bet if he actually wants to reply in complete sentences. While she's talking he directs her toward an empty looking classroom and pushes her inside, shutting the door behind them. He's undecided whether to tell her the truth, or let her go on blindly, thinking it's a simple breakup and no doubt like her and Finn, Blaine and him will be back together in a week or two. He can't do that. To her or to himself, because her looking hopefully between him and Blaine, wanting them to be together again, well, it's never going to happen.

"Rachel, you might want to sit down…"

She idolizes Blaine, like he used to, and he tries to be as factual as possible. He leaves off the fact that Blaine was drugged to start with, needs to drive home to her how he has felt. Of course she responds with wide teary eyes and a hand clasped over her mouth before leaning forward to throw her arms around him. He's prepared for it this time, can cope with the physical proximity and he pats her tentatively on the back.

He fills her in on the hallway confrontation and how he's already told Santana, Mercedes and Brittany. Says that's why he's been going to join their practice instead of coming to glee, but he doesn't want Blaine to give up glee. Knows he'll need it to cope just as much as he does. He's just lucky that right now there are two clubs. Rachel looks like she wants to interrupt several times but he holds up a finger warningly. He's not finished.

"While I cannot be around him right now I think we can both agree that his voice is a valuable asset to the club. I need to do what is right for me, and if that is singing with the TroubleTones for a bit then so be it. I'm not saying I'm there permanently, but for now…"

"I understand. Also I think that if all the boys found out about what happened then Blaine's life might become quite uncomfortable. I'm surprised none of them know, if you really did yell at Blaine. This school is a hotbed of gossip."

He snorts but doesn't disagree.

"It's likely been twisted to me shouting at Blaine for knocking me up or something equally ridiculous. We could always check Ben Israel's blog."

"I don't think that will be necessary. Just keep an ear out. And now, in the spirit of camaraderie and sharing I now feel the need to share something just as deep and meaningful that happened to me."

 _Oh God_. He really doesn't want or need to know, he goes up to hold his finger of silence but it's too late.

"I gave my virginity to Finn. It was a special and magical night, and I know that one day you too will have just as special an experience."

Kurt blinks and grimaces. It would be in bad taste to scream out for mind bleach, but he feels like rolling his eyes and shaking his head. He knows that her heart is in the right place but comparing her wondrous first time to his experience with sexual assault is not as heart warming as she seems to think it is. He wonders if it's because she hasn't had to deal with him crying and vomiting like Santana, but he just sighs and lets her hug him again.

He gets home later than normal, spending time in the library studying in an attempt to catch up on what he's missed. For the same reason he'd put his phone in to flight mode, because he can be a master procrastinator. He flicks on his computer and plugs in his memory stick with his half-finished essay. He'll do a quick e-mail check before dinner and then finish it up, it's definitely not his best work but it's better than missing an assignment completely. Among the various subscription e-mails is a message from Dave, and he's smiling even before he opens it.  _Send me a friend request. I'll accept it. D._  He blinks his smile grows even wider before going and clicking on the ' _add friend_ ' option.


End file.
